palakpak, mga mortal!

nung highschool, after a lecture, nagriring ang bell, aalis na ang prof.
nung undergrad tayo, after a lecture, after the "Thank You" slide, umaalis na yung prof.

pero ngayon sa Med, after every lectures, nagpapalakpakan mga tao? wala lang, nakakatuwa lang.

nung mga unang araw sa Medisina, sinabi ko, "bat tayo pumapalakpak?", tapos di ko na napapansin, parang automatic na sa med yun na after a lecture, palakpakan ang mga tao. di ko napapapansin, pero pati ako napapapalakpak na rin. siguro factor na marami kayo sa classroom kaya madaling magpeer-pressure dahil pumapalakpak ang ibang tao, at siguro dahil nakakaelibs naman talaga yung lecture (di ko malilimutan ang Lecture ni Dr Rosales sa Spinal Cord, kewl), siguro dahil ibang level na rin ng knowledge yung shineshare nila sa atin, or siguro, syempre, respect sa kanila na hindi lang MD ang kakabit ng mga pangalan kundi, ID, TCVS, GS, FPSP, FPSA, FPSS, Fwhatever, F-WTF?!, F-I-AM-A-GOD, F-I-AM-IMMORTAL, etc etc etc

it made me wonder, ano kaya iniisip ng mga naglecture after their show?

if i will be a lecturer someday kung Super Surgeon na ako, probably ito ang iisipin ko sa mga Med Students after my lecture...

(read the title)

kidding. haha. :)

the problem with knowing too much...

as i type this, i am experiencing a mild fever with cough and my nose is red and leaking with liquid god knows where it's coming from...

if this happened to me 6 years ago, i'll be contented by just saying "i have fever." period.

but now... with the effect of Para and Micro and Epid (aww cmon) fever might be an underlying sign of a secret disease i probably have. (wag naman sana diyos ko po. having a cough makes me think, "what if i have a Strep pneumoniae infection?", "what if i test my sputum, and probably culture a Paragonimus westermani redia or ova or metacercaria?", "are there "Aedes hanging around my house and probably bit me and gave me dengue?"

i had a flu vaccine for this year, but, clearly, i have a flu infection. am i too cool for that flu vaccine that it didnt protect me? what if the flu virus that i got has a different strain than what's in the vaccine? maybe this isn't flu? maybe it's a flu-like symptom that craves for further attention, and again, for me to spot an underlying pathologic crap happening in my body. oh crap. ang hirap maging magaling at matalino. joke. :p nah, ang hirap nang nagmamagaling masyado, kasi if i know more about them, i'd probably ruled out them all. Watching too much of House MD and Grey's and Scrubs makes your imagination fly too high.

but then again, when tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, when this fever has subsided and brought his friends, cough and flu(like?), with him away from me, i won't be thinking of them anymore of course. i'll just think of the fever like what i would've done 6 years ago.

... that it's just a damn fever.


well, it's a good thing to know something. but sometimes there's a line between knowing enough, and knowing more than what you have to know. enough that you have to take BioFlu and a lot of fluids, rest enough, don't stress too much. You don't have to know the pathophysiology of a cough, or a fever, or whatever.

But of course, as Med students, we have to know more than what we needed to know. They inject the quote, "this info will maybe one day save a life" statement as a scapegoat for you not to sleep for a 5 item, 40 item, 60 item quiz, pracs, lab exam tomorrow. The unnecessary pain of memorizing-without-analyzing facts, that you'll only use about 20% of it all in your practice. sigh.

The problem with knowing too much, is that, you realize you know little. The more you know, the more you find out there's a lot more you don't know.

haha.

Leaning towards Pedia

This is weird. I'm beginning to like kids. And babies.

I never liked kids. Lalo na yung mga uhugin at mga mukhang tiyanak. Lalo na yung mga maiitim at saksakan ng kulit. Lalo na yung mga pinipindot ang reset sa computer pag naglalaro ako. Lalo na yung mga all of the above. Oh my F Ghod.

But lately, i realized whenever i pass by the hospital wards that.

1) I'm giving kids a second look
2) and i smile at them
3) and sometimes i say 'hi' to them (strangers yung mga yun a)
4) and it draws a big smile on my face.

5) and i never do the things above when an extremely hot chick passes by. (ang weird nun pag ganun, mag h-hi ako bigla at magssmile kahit di ko kilala?)

but anyways, maybe it all started to change when these babies were born:














(L-R)

my inaanak, kyle misa. the youngest in our generation. bien and jeanne. the first 2 morana next-gens. kahlil jacob. the first grand grandson from the first grand daughter of my grandmother

and Paul. from Kuya Pao.

These kids... These kids with the cute little limbs, and sparkling little eyes of amazement whenever they look at a new toy, their inquisitive little hands, their exploring feet, their exponentially growing number of cells, their highly developing psyche, completing early stages of Freud, sucessfully passing Piaget's checklist -- yeah, the cuteness list goes on -- i can say that these kids are the reasons why i those kids are starting to have an impact on me.

Suddenly i find myself involuntarily contracting my zygomatics and spontaneously sparkling my own eyes trying to get the kid's attention. Even though most of the time, i'm freaking the kids out.

Chino Joven once told me he wanted Pedia as his spec. I asked him why, and his answer was so like a UST-Med-Entrance-Interview-Answer: "It's because those kids are too young to get sick. That they are so innocent to get sick. That it is not their fault to get sick." (o Chino, inenglish ko pa diba?)

That exact moment when he told me that, i thought of my dream Specialization, Surgery and said, "Oo nga no? Kasi ako, if ever man, yung mga ooperahan ko, ooperahan dahil lagi silang nagyoyosi kaya Lung Transplant, o umiinom kaya aayusin ang Liver, o kumakain ng madami kaya may Gastric Bypass at Lipo, o nagdrive ng lasing kaya naaksidente, o dahil tanga lang sila kaya nabalian ng buto. Minsan kukupalin ka pa nila at sisigawan...."

and i silently thought..."pero pag bata yun, umiiyak lang sila.... Oo, siguro minsan may tulo-uhog effect pa sila at magfflash yung mga bungi nilang mga ngipin, pero, oo nga, masyado pa silang bata para makaranas ng sakit diba? Theyre too cute to get sick. Theyre too innocent to ingest Enterobius on their mouths, they're too fragile to feel the pain of a Kidney stone (one of my nephews, who is only twelve already has one :c .) and worst, some are too young to be dead (One of my Nephew died because of Leukemia. And he's just around 2years old nun :c )

nakakatakot na baka di man lang nila maenjoy ang childhood, teenage years, sex, drugs, at rock and roll. Nah.

From that day on, those sickly kids in the streets for me don't look that tiyanak-ish anymore... Now i'm looking at them at a different spark, at a whole new different light. That they are, like what Jose Rizal said, "ang mga pag-asa ng bayan." Right now, i feel for them.

Chino is right. It's not their fault to be sick.

---

Looking back at the the pictures, and the thoughts , and after i've reread what i have just written, now i realized why people call their kids ,their bundle of joy...

it's because they really are....

Bien, Jeanne, Kahlil, Paul, and Kyle made my day a lot of times. and someday when i have my own, I know that that child's gonna be one of the cutest babies this universe will ever see. ;) and I know that no matter how tired will I be from work, all my stress will be gone with just the thought of them.

I don't have Pedia this sem, hopefully that subject wont diss me. Maybe that subject's not bad at all,,, As long as i know, my knowledge can one day make a little kid smile and say thank you to me. As long as i can fix a little boy's tummyache and let him play again the day after. Maybe Pedia is not bad after all. Just maybe. We'll see.
We'll see.

---

*<edit, 10 mins after the blog>

Nah... SURGERY PA DIN! Wahahaha

stethoscope

monday afternoon.

i cant sleep. i wanted to sleep. i was lying in the couch and thinking of resetting my mind for all the sense and nonsense that happened today. i was pulling myself too much into sleep, but i can't sleep.

tony said the half life for coffee is 3-4 hours. but it's been 12 hours since my last coffee. 12 hours. i closed my eyes for the Nth time, and still, no help. and then i opened my eyes again, and saw something...

on top of the glass table beside our couch, there lied a shiny stethoscope dimly lit by our cabaret-like faded lights of the sala.

i grabbed it. wore it while lying down, and put it on my 5th left intercostal space. right where the left ventricle shouts the loudest. the up the the 3th intercostal space. then beside the sternum. then back, then around, then back.

and there it was.

S1 and S2.
Lub and Dub. Lub and Dub.
Tricuspid and Mitral.
Atria and Ventricle.
Systole and Diastole.

It's amazing how a pack of cardiac muscles just as big as one's fist could be so responsible for the the body's supply of oxygenated blood.

Amazing how it never started beating weeks before we saw light on this earth.

Amazing how it keeps on beating until now. from the vena cava to the pulmonary artery, vein, then aorta.

Amazing how each beat is so efficient. so coordinated. so wonderfully designed.


the sounds were so peaceful. and serene.
i felt like in the womb again.
hearing nothing but a heatbeat.
i didnt notice that i was closing my eyes.
and sinking into a silent pool of cardiac sounds.
of ventricular music.
of atrial melody.
of the rhythm of the pacemaker cells
and slight echo of the pericardium.

lub.
dub.
lub.
dub.


...and then, i was asleep.

A sign?

Hindi ako nabigyan ni Ma'am Monet ng Handouts today.
Pero sabi ko, ok lang, kasi meron naman ako nung dati. So aral lang.

Nung micro na ang aaralin ko...

narealize kong nawawala ang Jawetz ko. Shit. Sana pakalat-kalat lang siya sa bahay.Sana.
tapos, naghanap nalang ako ng compressed lecture notes sa Drive D.

at narealize ko, andun pala siya kasama ng namatay kong hard disk. double shit.

so, nagdownload ako ng notes sa 4shared ng bmd yahoogroups.

tapos... nung ipprint ko na... walang black ink ang printer. triple shit.

pero gumawa pa rin ako ng paraan, ginawa kong red, green, blue, orange, at purple ang text ng handouts. sa awa ng diyos, nagprint naman.

pero... nung babasahin ko na... nawawala naman ang mga higlighters ko. lalo na yung yellow na faber castell. favorite kong higlighter yun. quadruple shit!

pero, sige lang. ok lang na walang highlighter. so, nung nagbabasa na ako dito sa kwarto ni mommy para aircon, (kanina lang yun, 1:00AM), sabi ni Mommy, "Karl, patayin mo na nga ang ilaw. magtipid na tayo ng kuryente!" quintuple shit!


Lord, ayaw niyo ba akong mag-aral?

matutulog na lang ako!

Dad's Patient

a txt message from one of my Dad's patients, received today:

"I have just crossed over to the other world. Please pray for my peaceful journey to our Creator. Thank You Very Much, until we meet again. This is ____ Signing Off."

a few minutes later, she coded, the nurse called my dad,
and told him that she just passed away.

off day

this day is so off for me. not that something bad happened. it's just that nothing happened. and i feel like nothing's happening, or about to happen soon enough.

i feel like im boring myself too much. and when i realize that i do, i then overthink. i seem to be waiting for something to happen today. something magical, i guess. but all that's left for tonight is me, on my parent's room, half asleep, with a Physio SGD, and a Quiz pending for tomorrow. Two of them, but i can't even activate an Action potential just to evel lift those handouts...

there it is again, i just stared at my handouts. and she stared back. nagtitinginan lang kami at na parang naghihintay na may mangyari... if im a reg 2nd year student, this study habit wont work. but if ever i am, id probably wont make this blog because ill be to preoccupied studying Pharmacology for tomorrow's 100 item exam. I have a feeling my friends are gonna drink with us tomorrow after their Pharma. I can feel it.

i guess ill just sleep this one off. probably for 2 to 3 hours. just to reset my mind. though my body is far from dozing off, and still, im damn waiting for something that is nothing, ill still force myself to sleep. just to refresh. to reset. to recollect my hopes for the next day. hoping that tomorrow will be something worth waking up for.

i need a life.

it's kicking in

two weeks of my second first year in med. and except for Micro, everything going quite well... i liked my Physio Subsec, i like the people of Section C 2012, im still in good communication with my "old med friends", and "college friends", i jokingly call them that right now, and wherever i go, i feel like a candidate for the student council or whatever because people, brods, sisses, professors, techincians, security guards, tindera sa harap ng OPD wards are waving/saying hi to me wherever i go. i got that "charisma" from my dad, i guess.

the second years are starting to have a hard time right now. it's funny how much we complained during the first shift of the first year, realizing that it is the easiest shift of all our shifting here in the Medical Magical Marvelous stay here in Medschool.

Anyways, back to my "Old Friends" (hahaha), theyre starting to go around the wards. I said to myself, "that's OK, karl, hindi ka maiinggit." Shadi told me that it's not that exciting naman daw,a lot of info to ask, so, uhuh. And section C is extracting blood from each other, "Oh God. Gusto kong gawin yun. Clin Path.", but we irregulars started to formulate a plan to take Clin Path next sem (hope it works! 2 units dun yun!) Sec B just had a Patho test, i heard Kalads got high grades, good for them. but, the thing the got me soo green with envy was their subject named: (drumroll...!)

SURGERY.

OMFG. May Surgery na sila at inggit na inggit na ingiiiiiiit ako. I saw Hazel's and Geli's Pics of them Scrubbing in, and wow. I want to feel my hands being washed by some special chemical just to be covered by some gloves, and i want to feel the Grey's Anatomy rush, i want to feel like im in my Holy Grail. My Sanctuary. My Happy Place.

So it's kicking in. Maybe i looked at Hazel's Album for 20 minutes, and Geli's Album too for that long. Though i didnt become that emotional.(oh yes, there's a big chance that i should have, it's that a BIG DEAL for me), i just staaared at them. and nainggit for 20 minutes.

I just said to myself, "dadating din naman ako diyan diba?" like what i always say, "In God's time.

In God's Perfect time."

Fall From Grace

Lifted from Che's Blog, it's from Inquirer:

Fall From Grace
Venus Oliva M. Cloma

The “revalida” is the final examination required of candidates for the degree of Doctor of Medicine at the University of Santo Tomas (UST). It is composed of two exercises. The first covers basic medical sciences and, if one passes it, the student qualifies for the second exercise. This one requires the student to examine a patient chosen by lot, diagnose him and present investigative and therapeutic plans, and discuss in full a medical or surgical emergency, again chosen by lot.

I did not pass the “revalida.” I had the bad luck of getting a complicated case that I was not prepared to handle. Besides I was picked first to make a presentation and I had very little time to organize my thoughts. The result was dismal.

When the members of my tribunal told me their decision, I thought they were joking at first. When I realized how serious they were, I told them I had never failed a subject or taken remedial courses, that I was class president, hardworking, bright, honest and selfless. That I had organized the graduation ceremony, the class party and the retreat. That it was my birthday the next day.

They told me many good doctors they personally knew had also failed their first “revalida,” and the experience made them work harder. Now they are brilliant doctors. They felt that I would turn out the same way.

While they were talking, my heart was breaking. But maybe, so was theirs. They said that in “good conscience,” they knew it was what was best for me. I could not help thinking that if it were another tribunal, if my case had been simpler, I would have been graduating. But it is useless to think about that now.

I felt that in an instant, my life had changed. Was it all in vain? All the hard work and sacrifice I had made since I had this dream of becoming a doctor at the age of three, were they all in vain? My life, was it in vain?

With a heavy heart, I told everyone I met on my way out that I had failed. I was very sure the news spread like wildfire. I was part of the UST Medicine Revalida history.

I called my parents and broke their hearts.

In the dean’s office, my professors, whom I worked with, reassured me that this was just a temporary setback and that people would not judge me on the basis of just one exam.

I went back to our apartment and broke down. I wept and hugged my sister, and I mourned for what might have been.

After composing myself, I sent a text message to my friends, med and non-med alike that said: “I’m deeply sorry to say that I did not pass the “revalida.” I’m extending clerkship for three months and do a retake. I’m OK. I know in my heart I’ll still be a good doctor. Please don’t hesitate to talk to me.”

Almost immediately, people called and visited me. Those who came were in tears. I tried my best to be strong and comfort them, but ended up in tears myself. In that place of pain and sorrow, I recalled the prayer I grew up with, the prayer of St. Francis: “… Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy…”

I was comforted by the things my friends told me. They told me they knew me as a dedicated student leader, a friend to all, and this failure wouldn’t change the way they looked at me. They said they would continue to believe that I would not let this obstacle stop me from fulfilling the dream I have devoted my life to achieving. Even my professors expressed their concern and sympathy.

It was painful to think that instead of inspiring others, I was causing distress.

If there is one thing beautiful that resulted from my disgrace, it is that I have come to realize that my family is bigger than what I thought it to be, that people are loyal and do not forget. For the past four years, I have established strong friendships and gained the respect of my classmates. They know me for my impeccable work ethic and strength of character. This fall from grace will not break what I have built for the past 24 years. Realizing what I have built, in the face of this trial, is enough reason to celebrate my birthday.

After pacing restlessly around the apartment, my sister and I went to the mall and hit the book stores. The answers to my questions seemed nowhere to be found, but I felt that reading would help. I bought an inspirational book, an art and culture book, and some magazines. I even saw “How to Change Careers” books, and I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

When we went home, I poured out my pain and anguish to my parents. Mom said she believed God has a beautiful plan for me. Dad held me as if I were a little girl again. I knew that if anyone was hurting more than me it was my parents. And because of their pain, an immeasurable sorrow swept over me. But because of their love, I knew I was not lost.

That evening, my mom’s colleagues, doctors themselves, called me. They quoted inspiring Bible verses. They recalled great physicians who stumbled academically and more than just recovered: they actually became highly respected physicians.

Amidst the adversity, but whole and headstrong and with my heart and mind in the right place, I will enter my 24th year of life with newfound wisdom. It is a new life. Just when I thought I was almost there, I have begun a new journey, a journey that will not just make me a doctor, but a complete healer.

I do not know yet what the reasons are, but I’m in a phase of acceptance. I know that He will “rescue me from the fowler’s snare,” and I know that life can only get better from here. I also know that although this may look like a really big problem, there are greater trials ahead.

I know that the next time I walk down the halls of the hospital, there will be sympathetic looks and whispers, in front and behind my back. I will not mind them. If some people show me sympathy I will appreciate it. I may have lost a battle but I will win this war.

I am not angry at anyone, not even with myself. I am humbled by this experience, but I am not, and never will be, insecure. I still believe in what I’m capable of becoming and I will use this experience to master the art and science of medicine, to grow as a person, and to reach out to others in the future who, like me, may fall.

I will be back. And I will be the best.

Venus Oliva M. Cloma, 24, is a medical clerk (4th year medical student) at the University of Santo Tomas Faculty of Medicine and Surgery.

How to spot a Bio student

napansin ko lang to nung Med na ako. yung iba dito nakakaasar siguro, yung iba nakakatawa, yung iba baka sabihin niyong hindi totoo, sorry naman. haha

just for laughs. walang maoofend. haha. sometimes it applies to Medtechs and Psych and other courses din. pero malamang guilty ka ng 95% sa mga dito kung Bio student ka.

How to spot a UST-Bio student (especially in med)

1.       1. Hindi mo kilala ang ibang mga kapwa mo Bio student nung first day ng Med. Nagugulat ka na lang siya na, “Ay, Bio ka pala?”

2.       2. Alam mo ang Genus at species ng isang bagay like Trichuris trichura, o Wucheraria bancofti o Schistosoma japonicum pero wala kang pakialam kung ilang spores at eggs at mga chorva nila.

3.       3. Kasama mo pa rin mag lunch ang mga Bio friends mo. Minsan pa, nag-aarange ka with ibang Bio friends sa ibang sections to lunch out together. Pero bihira kayong nakumpleto.

4.      4. Hindi mo ipagpapalit ang Bio friends mo sa subsec mo.  Pero love mo subsec mo. Lalo na kung nanlilibre sila.

5.5. 5. Hindi ka nagtatrabaho sa Lab. Hinahayaan mo ang mga MedTech mong kaklase na gumawa nun. Bumabawi ka nalang sa SGD.

6.       6. Maraming magagaling na prof sa Med pero di mo pa rin sila ipagpapalit kay John Donnie Ramos.

7.       7. Tinatamad ka nang bumalik sa Main Building pero namimiss mo kumain ng Siomai dun.

8.       8. Kumakapit ka sa mga PT kung dissection, isa ka sa mga nakikikumpulan sa mga taong nagtuturo pa anatomy.

9.       9. Alam mo kung nasaan ang Pectoralis, Gluteus, Azygos, at marami pang ibang anatomical parts… ng pusa.

10.  10. Nagtaka ka once in your med life kung bakit Bio ang pre-med mo.

11.   11. Nag-bida-bidahan ka nung kymograph ang ginamit sa experiment ng Physio.

12.   12. Ayaw mong mag board exams. At masaya kang walang board exams ang kurso mo.

13.   13. Ayaw mo ring mag OJT. Ayaw mo rin maging Intern. kaya ka siguro nag Bio.

14.   14. Gusto mo lang, mag field trip. At mamulot ng specimens na itatapon lang paguwi. Pero never nagkafield trip sa med. hanggang Sapang Palay lang pag Clerkship.

15. Para sa iyo, ang Parasitology ay pinahirap na version ng Invertebrate Zoology.

16. Mahilig ka sa extra-curriculars. kahit ambaba ng grades mo.

17. Mababa ka pa rin sa Embryo nung Anatomy kahit na nag Embryo ka nung Bio. Sabagay, embryo ng sisiw at baboy yun eh.

18. Walang subject na ikaw ang bida. Pero wala ring subject na ikaw ang bottom feeder.

19. May kaklase ka nung undergrad mo na sumali Days with the Lord. At niyaya ka niyang mag Days pagkatapos.

20. Nagtulungan kayong magkakaklase nung bio kayo na sumagot ng Jologs Quiz ng CSJ.

21. Natakot kang mag Med. pero wala kang choice kundi mag Med.

22. Meron kang isang friend sa Higher Years na madalas mong pinagtatanungan.

22. Nagtaka ka kung bakit ang 1 sem kay sir Dilan or Ma'am Manansala ay halos 8 hours lang sa biochem.

23. Namimiss mo yung aquarium-like Dean's Office (some parts deleted) :P

24. Chicken lang sayo ang Histo ng Med kung nag Histo ka kay Ma'am Calwit.

25. Naarealize mo na ang mga Diyos na estudyante sa Bio ay maaaring maging mortal nalang sa Med. at tayong mga mortal dati ay... mortal pa rin. as usual.

26. May kaibigan kang medtech na kaibigan pala ng isa pang medtech na kaibigan pala ng isa pang medtech at narealize mong halos lahat pala ng medtech sa klase ay magkakaibigan.
27. Dahil diyan, nagtaka ka, bakit di mo naging kaibigan lahat ng Bio nung Bio ka?

28. In fairness, mas organized ang BioSem 601 kesa Clinical epidemiology I.

29. Mahilig kang maghanap ng butas sa Physio Protocol ng iba.

30. Matibay ang loob mo sa panglalait ng prof dahil alam mong mas malupit manlait si Sir Pavia.

31. Naiirita ka pag Hematology or anything Blood Related na ang usapan.

32. Naisip mo na kung sana yung study habits mo ngayong Med ay inapply mo nung Bio, edi sana naging Laude ka.

33. Pag merong nagsasabi ng "Specie", sinasabi ng subconscious mo na "SpecieSSSSS"

34. Hindi ka bumibili ng Banana Shake sa Med Cafe kasi amoy itong culture bottle mo dati ng Drosophila melanogaster.


owel. haha. i heart bio. peace!

Bakit Gumaganda ang mga Med Students habang tumatanda?

Di niyo ba napapansin? Andaming magagandang Med Student sa Higher Years? at mas Hot sila pag suot na nila yung white coat at sexy undershirt sa loob? and even smoky hotter pag Consultant's Coat na yung suot nila?

of course may exemptions. Pero nagtataka lang ako, in a place where we are supposed to be in Hell, and everyone's sleep-deprived, and stressed, bakit pa sila gumaganda? hindi sa sinasabi kong wala silang karapatang gumanda, astig nga yun on our part eh, pero nagtataka lang ako... nasan ang wrinkles? nasan ang eyebags? nasan and adipose?

Nung naconfine ako nung January, yung mga Nurse ay Hot (though tapos na daw dun yung rotation ni Jnel), yung Medtech ay HOT tlga (may lagnat ako nun, blurred, but i know she's damn hot)(Hiy Zciannel! Hindi ikaw yun :P) at yung Resident Pulmonologist at Cardiologist! OMG. increase temperature, increase body metab, increase fever, whatever.

and i wondered? bakit kaya?

-Hindi kaya dahil nagtthrive talaga sila sa Stress?
-O kaya natuto lang silang magparebond and stuff (nagpapaganda sila para matanggal ang stress)
-O kaya nagiging maganda lang sila sa paningin natin kasi mas mataas ang lebel nila sa Medical heirarchy.

hmm.. makes me wonder... magandang thesis to sa Epid. hmm. haha. :)

keep moving forward

last night, i sent a quote to my friends. the typical send-to-all-Globe-friends-text before i sleep. Last night's quote was from Senator Clinton, she said

every moment spent on looking back, keeps us from moving forward.

i didn't absorb that quote that much before i sent it. basta ko lang sinend. unli eh. then, 12 hours after, i went on with my day. I woke up 8AM. and my classes start by...8AM. 2 hours , one tricycle, one FX ride later, i was having a 5 item quiz about microbes.

matching type! it'd be better kung Chinese Characters nalang yung nasa left side, at Latin letters sa right side. kasi parang ganun lang din yung test. nag-random diffusion-lukso-ng-dugo-with-isang-HailMary ako habang nagtetest, pero, nasa "Blessed are you amongst women" part palang ako nang sabi nilang "PASS YOU PAPERS" Jesus Christ. Are you forsaking me...again?

and then Physio take 2. It sucked. It brought back memories. and it reminded me on how i hated that subject last year. (just like any other subject, actually.) During that 4-Hour Season Premiere of the Physio Department, i was just silent. (well, by silent, i mean, not as jolly as the usual me. but i still talked naman. imma die if i didnt for 4 hours <yes, i talk while sleeping>.) And Doc Tim told me that im setting a bad example by coming in late for his lecture. (Sorry naman po, Doc)

At around 6PM, my friends who just had a Pharma Quiz texted me, iinom daw. Me, Moogie, Pia, Dhanna, Rej and Al had a hindi-naman-basagang-inuman sa The Pit.
 
Maybe Pia noticed (this is not Pae, my sister, but my classmate which i also consider a sister) noticed that i was pretty sad, hiding behind my stupid jokes and smirks. So Emo. Sooo Dashboard Confessional and My Chemical Romance. while my friends were ranting about pharma. i was just on auto-pilot-talking-mode, and at the back of my mind, my superego was saying, "dapat nagpapharma ka na sana ngayon. kaw kasi eh" -- at sabi ko sa utak ko, "taenamo super-ego manahimik ka"

and... upon going home. while the jeepney was banging his sound system playing jologs songs on his loud loud stereo, while i was thinking on what my superego told me... a text message came in.

it was the exact message, may post script lang na dinagdag. it was from Pia Galicia.

every moment spent on looking back, keeps us from moving forward.

she just sent it back to me. and i needed it. and it hit me.

and i went home smiling.

pakyu, superego!


God is so Cool.

Surgery

i asked my dad if i could scrub in on one of his operations. last friday, he pulled me in the OR for a craniotomy.

wow, craniotomy.

so i wore the green scrubsuit, and slippers, and cap, and mask... and entered the first live OR Surgery i've ever seen in my life.

and there it was. the OR. the Holy Grail. that streile room that smells like.. well, duh, a hospital. i saw the Surgeon, the Anesthesiologist, the Interns, the Nurses. There was one hot nurse by that way. i can see it through her mask. haha.

I was like a wide eyed kid on a candy store. I've seen the stuff i saw only on TV before. that scene in Grey's Anatomy where a machine is breathing for the patient. And the patient, was lying... unaware that we are literally looking inside his brain.

I saw my dad's gadgets. A screen where stats were displayed - PO2, Systolic, Diastolic, HR, chorva chorva.. haha.. And on the side of the room was the CT scan showing the bleeding Thalamus, and overflowing on the lateral ventricles.

Wow. This must be it. my soon-to-be sanctuary. Then i noticed something, on the table near the bathroom, there was an iPod attached to a pair of speakers, and playing music. my dad said, "it's always like that so that we won't get that bored." haha..

"nasan na yung anak ni Dr Edejer na med student?" asked the Surgeon.

and they all looked at me. and i was looking at the hot nurse.

The surgeon called me to step in closer beside her and explained her procedure, "You're one lucky kid. I've never seen a real surgery till i was a resident. And now you're looking at the Lateral ventricles with overflowing blood on it. We're actually not preventing the blood here, but we're preventing the CSF. pag yan nag obstruct, baka magkahydrocephalus pa yung patient. Like what you studied in Neuroanatomy, the brain just makes and makes CSF - nonstop. Oh, anong foramen lumalabas ang CSF pag galing sa lateral ventricles pababa?" she asked

They all looked at me even the hot nurse. and i said, "Foramen of Monroe?" (kunwari nanghula para pahumble effect kuno"

"naaaks" sabi ng Surgeon "tama. galing ah"

sa loob loob ko: ("oo naman, haha, nagremedials ako jan")

I was laughing inside. and then, i thought... in a way, i was like that patient lying in front of me. He generates a lot of CS that an outlet has to be put for it not to do further damage. Like me, i have a lot of thoughts. tons of them. i think too much. too much regrets, heartaches, pity, couldve beens, what will bees, what to do. i converse myself too much. and oh god. i converse with myself in english. shet. haha. and i need an outlet. i need to put a hole in my thoughts where it can flow, and so that it couldnt rot. i dont want a hydrocephalus.

maybe that's why i write. i write these thoughts so that it could flow out of my head, and at the same time, i immortalize those thoughts. put them in a place so that when i read it, where i could laugh with me again, and cry with me again... like Jestha and Kit, writing is my Art. my way of immortalizing myself. and this is one of the ways God speaks to other people through my hands. and thoughts. i hope.

As the surgeon closes the hole she made on the patient's head, i thought, we were inside his Brain a while ago, while me, I expose a big part of my brainthrough my blogs. mostly theyre products of my Limbic system on that Papez Circuit, some just random thoughts that needed just to be flushed out on a blank screen.

Surgeries are like Journals. cut, open, put out something, and stitch back.
Surgeries are like heartaches, painful, but in the end, it's (hopefully) for the good.
Surgeries are like Love. It hurts. It heals. It's Complicated. It's an art. It's risky.

Surgeries are like me. hardcore. unpredictable. takes a while to understand. scary. cool. (walang kokontra).

and Surgery is like God. surgery is like Life. It has a purpose why you're doing it. It hurts a part of you, but it makes you strong. It makes you last longer. It makes you live... or maybe die. But still, it has it's reasons why.

Med Survey din. ehehe

1. Unang una, how many lbs did you gain???
- Next Question!

2. Ano ang pinakanakakaantok na subject?
- Neuroanatomy by Dr Ostrea - everything's sooo clinical. Heart at Pump 2. iba ibang subject eh.. more on Peesho

3. Pinakamahirap na subject?
- Physiology. pero favorite ko to

4. Least number of hours na tulog mo sa med??
- I tried 0 sleep. I had a Labcon nun and a Biochem Quiz

5. Pinakanamimiss mo nung premed na hindi mo magawa sa med
- Kaladkaran. movie nang movie nang movie. inom nang inom nang inom.

6. Gusto mo pa rin ba mag med??
- in a heartbeat baby

7. Your choice of pampagising???
- Prayer. actually, prayer tlga. coffee is like placebo nalang...

8. longest time spent studying? as in walang break ha...
- hmmmm

9. Easiest topic sa med??
- Taste Biochemistry, Physiology Generalities, Cranial Nerves, Neoplasia

10. Favorite position?  ..... sa pagaaral, haha..
- Nakaupo.

11. Least favorite subject??
 -Clinical Epidemiology

12. Best thing about life in med school?
- the girls. joke. you get to be amazed by the wonder of the Human Body. and just be awestrucked. and then just strucked. then just stuck. haha

13. Favorite flavor mo ng shake sa med cafe?
- yung mango kasi pinakamura.

14. Magkano na nagastos mo sa pagpapaphotocopy?
- I think 1/3 of my daily allowance. makakabuo ako ng puno pag pagsasama samahin.,

15. Pinakamahirap na topic?
- LECTINS. Limbic System (Indicium Gresium?!?), Motor Pathway, All Epid, and (drumroll) PROTEIN METAB

16. Anong table number mo sa gross anatomy?
- Table 19. yung bata na walang diperensya. malinis ang lungs, and liver, normal ang heart.. pero wasak ang pekpek niya.

17. Handa ka na bang bumalik sa school this june?
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

18. Pumapasok ka ba ng epid?
- Epid? what Epid? diba Histo lang ang subject pag Friday?

19. Gumagamit ka ba ng branded notes, samplexes, o videos?
- Silverman Notes! Samplex na paulit ulit xinerox, at Videos na paulit ulit pinlay.. labu Dra Lumitao!

20. Paboritong prof?
- Dra De Jesus. Doc DJ. Dra Apepe. Dra MAcaranas. Dr Baustista. Doc Tim. Dra Campomanes. Dra Dee Chan. Dra Laygo.

21. Ilang minuto bawat drawing mo sa histo manual?
-  hehehe.,.. :P

22. Lumaki na ba allowance mo?
- Technically hindi. pero by thursday humihingi uli akong extra 5 million

23. Nabasa mo ba lahat ng handouts sa biochem?
-NOOOOO di ko binasa ang Lectins at ALL, and lahat ng Laygo Handouts, some Ng handouts,

24. Balik tayo sa epid. Ilan ang naipasa mong test?
- i failed one... ata

25. Nagdadala ka ba ng sariling pad paper para magsupply sa mga kaklase?
- never. i have a lot of friends. :P

26. Prescribed shoes ba suot mo sa school?
- oo naman. kahit baha

27. Isang hindi makalimutang nangyari sa med
- I failed Physio Remeds - the worst. Michelle Santillan - the Best. and everything in between. Days with the Lord Batches, when stephen died, when we were shouting markfang penny! SJ Anniv, B2 Xmas party,

28. Ever wished you had a different pre-med?
- Medtech. :P pero, i love Bio naman eh.

29. Saan sa med building ang paborito mong CR?
- may nagsabing smelly lahat ng CRs nila.oo totoo.  pero di rin naman perpekto ang mga CR niyo. may mga tae pa din dun mehn. edi lumipat kanalang ng school i hate it when people trash about UST. edi lumipat nalang kayo kung ayaw niyo dito. andami daming nagpapakamatay para makapasok sa UST Med, tapos kayo reklamo ng reklamo. cmon. 

30. Nayari ka na ba ni Bongala?
- :s go SJ. :P

home alone 2

last holy week, i was left home alone and my family went to Zambs.

and just minutes ago, they just left again. this time, i don't even have a maid with me.

i will pass all my remedial exams.

there's this void and eerie creepy silence in the house that i actually got used to.magkukulong ako dito sa bahay at mag-aaral.

let's do this Lord.

growl growl. haha. tiger power.

2011.

after ng next week, magwawala na ako. kaladkaran kung kaladkaran. inuman hanggang madaling araw hanggang umaga at di na uuwi. pupunta ako kung saan saan at ipapagpag ko ang mga dugo ng puso kong nag clot na at punong puno na ng intrinsic at extrinsic factors.

itaga sa bato. ipapasa ko muna to.

/hindi ako nagyayabang. kinukundisyon ko lang utak ko. at inaaply ang law of attraction. good thoughts, good results.


Let's do this, Lord. Basta Ikaw!

this is Worth Reading, i promise

nakakatuwang basahin. i wrote this one last year. :) basa, basa!

karl and karl

here we go again", he said. He just graduated, finished an entirely stressful Thesis experience, sitting at the Dean's Office at the Med Building. "Another 4 years",  he said to himself. He has no idea how more twisted this next stage will be... All he feels at the moment is just gratitude that he made it on that list. He was still overwhelmed, and shocked, and, savoring the moment.

then came another dude, pushing the glass door, wearing all white, with a stethoscope hanging on his neck, still wearing that smile, but now with more lines around the lips, and cheeks, and eyes, and you can really see that time really slashed a few more stress lines on him,  still wearing the same hairdo,  the Young One could easily recognize him...

It was Himself. Karl Erjon Edejer, Four Years later.

The Young Karl was waiting for the Dean to sign his papers so that he can pay his reservation fee. After everything he had been through, after praying and panicking to be on that list, God knows why he's there.

The Older Karl sat beside him, also waiting for some papers to be signed. After everthing he had been through, endless exam days, nights, midnights and dawn, God knows why he's there.

The two sat with each other. The Karl which is 20 years old, fresh from college of Science. and the Karl who will be 24 years old. The two finally meet. God must be smiling.

"So how are you?" said the old Karl

"Haha, I should be asking you that dude. You know how i feel today, you're Me.", the young man replied

"Hahaha, oo nga naman, I know how you feel right now."

"Onga. Syempre alam mo ngayon na masaya ako. How bout you?God, I have a lot to ask. Kamusta ka?"

"Ako? well... ayokong sabihin."

"Pucha baket?"

There was no reply. The Old Karl just smiled, and stared in the nothingness in front of him

"Kamusta? Nahirapan ba ako sa Med?"

"Oo naman. Walang medschool na madali pare."  oh shit so true (said first year karl. haha)

"Lahat naman sila yun ang sinasabi eh. Cmon, fill me in! Anong mangyayari?!"

"Well... well. hindi ko pwedeng sabihin sayo eh"

"Bakit? Bawal?"

"Hindi sa bawal. Ayoko lang"

"Nu ba yan. Magiging kupal pala ako sa future."

"Watch your words."

"Whew. Sori ha.", the young Karl immaturely laughed.

"Nah. Mababawasan din yang ganyan mo in the next years."

"Unless I Dont."

"Yeah, unless you don't... But is that really Who You Are? or would you choose to step up your words a little bit better?"

"May point ka, anu ba yan ang lalim mo na magsalita... haha. Ano na? Kamusta Med?"

"Ayoko talagang sabihin"

"bakit nga?"

"Remember nung may isang taong nagsqueal sayo ng mangyayari sa Episode 17 ng Grey's Anatomy, Season 3?"

"Ah, yun? Yung mamamatay si _____? Oo, badtrip nga nagsabi sakin nun e"

"Ganun lang ang mangyayari kung sasabihin ko sayo ang mga mangyayari sa mga susunod na taon. Mawawala ang suspense, mawawala ang thrill. Hindi sa selfish ako para ishare sayo ang mga mangyayari, pero it would be a lot better if you unfold the leaves of the book by yourself.

Oo, mahihirapan ka, maiisip mo na its going to be the hardest phase of your life, there will be times you'll even think it'll be the worst days of your life. But from those low points you'll discover Who You Really Are and what you are capable of.... that you are bigger that who you think you are, Karl. You're a big person, but your heart is bigger.

There will be moments, a lot of moments, when you will question why you've entered this profession, when you've thought of quitting, of giving up. But all you have to do is look around, Karl.

Look at your Dad, no one thought he's going to be a doctor before because of his habits before, but look at him now - a guiding hand behind you, and he's always gonna be there, Karl, always.
Look at your Mum, she may be pushing you to go to freakin Nursing right now, but she will be there beside you too; To make you cups of coffee before she sleep, to check on you if you've forgotten to eat, to go to Baclaran and offer a candle for you.
Look at your siblings, they look up to you. They'll offer their prayers for you, lend up their ears to listen to your rants, to hug you when you pass kick-ass subjects, and always wish you the best.
Look at your family, the Moranas, the Ongs, the Educalanes, the Misas, the Bagasinas, the Malays, the great people of candelaria that you have met and you are yet to meet
Your friends. your Lovers (oh, slash that one off), your enemies, your mentors, your future colleagues.

you have a more-than-enough support system to cushion you, so you should never feel alone. Never.

and finally, Look up, Look up to God,. He has a great plan for Us, Karl. A really really great one. I havent seen the entire picture yet, but i know its going to be one hell of a story.

Yes, Medschool is going to be Hard. Really Hard. Its going to shoot inside you, and in your body and in your soul. But You, You are going to Shoot back. you are going to fight, you are going to have the time of your life.

Andami ko nang nasabi."

After that, they were silent.

Ate Kristine of the Admissions Office just got the papers and called out a name, "Edejer"

the Young One stood up, and went to the table on the right side.

After which, another person called another name, "Edejer"

the Older one stood up, and went to the table on the left side.

the Older one, looked blank at the paper expressionless. The young one didnt know what the paper the Older one was holding. Does it bring Good news, or Bad News? Well, guess he has to wait to 4 years to find out what it is.

The younger one went to the glass door of the office and bid goodbye to his Older self, "Oi Karl, alis nako"

"Sige Karl, ingat."

"Waitlang, bakit nga ba hindi mo naisipang magpalit ng hairdo?"

"Ikaw, tanungin mo yan sa sarili mo."

"Nyek binabalik mo nanaman ang tanong eh"

"Hindi dude. actually, Ikaw lang talaga. Ikaw ang magdedecide kung ano ang nakasulat sa papel na hawak ko ngayon, kung ano ang buhok ko ngayon. Actually ikaw talaga ang magdedecide kung Ikaw pa ba ang nandito sa office the to after 4 years. It's your choice. Like what you said to yourself 4 years ago, well which is 8 years na pala sakin, it will take a damn lot to get you from there, a fresh premed graduate to here. What and who am i right now is who will you choose to be today, and in the coming days."

"Yeah, its my choices."

Overwhelmed, and struck, young Karl reached out his hand to his older Self and they shook hands. They both have hard grips, a good eye contact, the same smile, and the same ooze of confidence,. After all, they're the same person.

They both came out of the office. the Young one wne to Main Building and Paid his Reservation Fee and the older one looked at his Younger Self while he's walking away. He wished him Good Luck, he prayed for Him, and he smiled...

because his Journey had just begun.

Reminiscing 4bio1

a lot of people's been posting their grad and baca pics. i saw pics of my friends (most from dwtl) graduating, and i can't help myself but reminisce our time.



haay. can't believe it's been a year. not a full academic year actually, hindi pa naman kasi tapos tlga ang first year med. and god knows what i've been through and will be goin through.

last year, i told boom during baccalaureate mass, "pare, in 4 years, tayo na yang mga Medical Clerks jan"... When they called out "Medicine and Surgery", nagtalunan ang mga med students, nagwawala, at napakasaya nilang lahat. Kinilabutan kami. sobra. sa hirap ba naman ng pinagdaanan nila, pag ako nga yun, maiiyak pa tlga ako.

(my candle, and the clerks in front of me)

day by day, step by step, we get nearer to our graduation. haha. people reading this may be laughing cause i look too far. we haven't even tasted pharmacology yet, and pathology, we haven't experienced 100 hours shifts yet. heck i have to pass my own set of remedial exams. but each day in med, each step in med, the little successes and failures, and triumphs of passing, and enjoying the company of your subsec, each page we photocopy, and memorize, and forget, and memorize again... every single one of them, make us closer and closer to our freakin dream. to the two most important letters in the alphabet attached to our names: MD. God i just love writing it:

Karl Erjon M. Edejer, MD

thoracocardiovascular surgeon
or
orthopaedic surgeon

or
spinal surgeon
or simply,
a doctor who changed people's lives.

(oh my god, oooh my god, just had an orgasm, kidding. haha)


so that's it. reminiscing is over.  like the old song goes, "what has life to offer me when i grow old?" im getting old, i know. at this stage, i should be earning my own money. and pinapang-inom namin galing pa rin sa bulsa ng mga parents namin. shees. but... we chose to be in school forever. we chose to dedicate our lives, especially "prime of our lives" to science, to medicine, to people, to curing diseases, to the freakin humankind. instead of me hooking up with a hot chic at a hot bar somewhere using my hot car, and my hot moves (ayun. haha), and waking up at someone else's room, i chose the harder way, i chose not to sleep at night, staying at wendy's with a friend reading samplexes the whole night. instead of watching a movie, finishing Scrubs 1-5, One Tree Hill, and the rest, I watched Dra Lumitao dissect the brain, over, and over, and over again, until every word she says sink into my dreams. instead of sleeping with someone, i'm not sleeping at all. instead of going places, visiting different countries, "soul searching", and all that spiritual fantasies i'd like to embark, i chose finding myself and my soul into diseases, chemical equations, and in the faces of sick people.

so what has life to offer me? offer us? i don't know. god is a power tripper. but here's what i know. he has a plan. i mean, he better have one or else. we're not burning ourselves alive for nothing, right? he has a plan. for you, for me. we may not always understand why these are happening. someday i'll get to understand why she doesnt wanna work it out. i'll get to understand why am i facing all these crap... someday i'll understand why this, or that, or those. sometimes, i get confused, sometimes, i get tired.

but then, all i have to do is go back to last year's version of me.

Holding a candle of hope,
watching the nice fireworks,
singing the UST Hymn,
under the light of the Main Building.

We were full of hopes. Me, Jhun, Moogie, Geli, Boom, Dhanna, Austin, Camel, Jas, Victor, Chester, Corie, Greg, Kristine, Ricky, Ampi, Nica, Ron, Paula, Rej, Mags, Nikki, Ris, Gayle, Abi, Ayra, Sasa, Kris, Mare, Pare, Ciara, and Jane. (hope i didnt forget someone. haha)

We have a saying in bio before: Onwards 2007. Onwards 2011.

the first half of the statement was done last year. the next one is in the making.
Onwards 2011.

(didn't get a decent pic for the whole class. haha. i was just so busy roaming around takin pics with my other college friends. haha)

wwhy do you think there's hope?
why do you think there's such a saying
that there is light at the end of the tunnel?
it is for the simple fact. that there is.

Can I Keep Selling Sex For Money, Officer?

a cooler way to memorize the Kreb's cycle

Can - citrate
I - isocitrate
Keep - alpha KetoGultarate
Selling  - Succinyl CoA
Sex - Succinate
For - Fumarate
Money, - Malate
Officer? - Oxaloacetate

can you guess the other famous mnemonics?

Some Say Mind Matters But My Brother Says Big Boobs Make More

Oh Oh Oh To Touch And Feel A Girl's Vagina, Ahh Heaven!

Keep Privates Clean Of Forget Good Sex

Some Couples Try Positons That They Can't Handle


Mnemonics + Sex = FUN  0_o

(ang manyak naman ng dating ko)
(sabog na utak ko from tooooo much Biochem)

Mikey Silverman

Sino ba si Silverman? Paano ba maging subscriber kay Silverman? Parang andami niyang Fans sa Med. at ang weird pa dun ay karamihan sa mga taong di niya kaklase ay di kilala kung sino siya. Pero alam nila ang logo niya, at pati ang bagong logo niya mula nang Neuro Practical Exams.

Haha. Sobrang sikat ng Silverman notes. May colored version, Black and White at Photocopy Version. Nahahati sa Dalawa yung Photocopy Version. isang Powder copy at isang Liquid copy. At syempre, meron din soft copy.

Balita ko maganda daw GF niya eh. cool. Natawa nalang ako nung Nutrition Fest dahil si Silverman si Lastikman, at Fil-Am pala siya, ampotah, tawa ako ng tawa dahil nilagay niya sa braso niya ang script niya. hahaha. Aliw.

Ang galing din niyang mag summarize ng mga handouts. Akalain mo, yung 60+ pages ng Anatomy namin, yakang yaka niyang ibuod sa 15 Pages lang, at may drawing pa. at minsan may Mnemonic pa. At may koneksyon ba siya sa langit? bakit ung Histo Long Exams lumalabas ang mga sinusulat niya, lalo na nung first shifting, word per word.

Nagpiprint ako ng Silverman notes ngayon. Kung pagsasama-samahin lahat ng nakuha kong notes sa kanya... matatalo nito ang Handouts ko sa Epid. Kasi niwawala ko ang mga hanouts sa Epid. Pero ang Silverman notes, kulang nalang isama ko sa pagpapabookbind.

At akala ko Joke time yung Surname niya.  Or baka it's just his way of being cool. Pero shet. Yun pala talaga yung Surname niya. Parang Silver Surver na Superman combined. So cool. Soo Cool.

If ever mabasa man ni Silverman to, alam kong di niya naiintindihan ang mga sinasabi ko. pero dude, kung alam mo lang kung ilang Med Students ang natulungan mo... Kung magbabayad kami ng Piso sa bawat page na nakuha namin na gawa mo, malamang may pang tuition ka na Next Sem. Pero di pa kasama ang Libro nun. :P Kung papipilahin mo lahat ng Estudyanteng ginamit ang handouts mo, maiikot nila ang buong First Floor ng Med na parang Registration or Enrollment. Ibig sabihin ganun kadami ang Crammers sa Medicine. waha.

Sana next year marami ka pang magawang Reviewer. Sana next year andito pa ako. Sana Next year meron ka na rin Dissection Video, Surgery Video, Pedia Video, Pharmacology Mnemonics. Wow. sobrang cool talaga.

Andaming taong hindi nakapagpasalamat sa iyo. Hayaan mong ako na ang magpasalamat para sa aming lahat. In behalf of all the Crammers of UST Medicine and Surgery, and The Xerox Ladies na Pinapayaman natin lalo na pag Shiftings, Salamat Silverman. hahaha. :)

if you want to be a subscriber of Silverman, text SILVERMAN<Space>ON and Send to 2366.

if you just want anatomy, or neuroana, text SILVERMAN<space>ON<space>ANATOMY send to 2366.

comments? corrections? violent rections kay Silverman? Nah. :P (ayan Top Edited na) hehe

friday morning coffee

morning's cold
and my phone is slowly dying
and felt the coldness slither deep inside my sleep deprived rhythm
i got a cup of coffee,
and tried to kill the coldness.
but no matter how warm the coffee is
and how much caffeine it has
it kicks back a certain feeling
even i cant understand

my own experience of a coffee rush...
jittering, kicking, and tachycardiac
maybe it's the scent
or the placebo it brings..

but no matter how hot the coffee was,
coldness wraps around after
the coffee's warm,
the caffeine's kicking,
the sugar's active,
but nothing can beat that single taste
that i taste in every coffee...

it's bitter.
and that can't beat the cold.

----
this is a two-fold entry. one for the sake of wriitng. emo writing, that is.

and one is to pay tribute to the Mice (Mus musculus) who were sacrificed especially the ones who died on our Caffeine experiment.