pinta

kung iguguhit ang kwento,
ito'y punong puno ng masaya at magagandang mga kulay.
pula, dilaw, bughaw, berde at kung anu-ano pa.
masaya.
bawat kampas ng pinta ay gumuguhit ng kunag anuanong mga linya
hindi napaplano. biglang lumilitaw.
napagandang kanbas.
basta lang tayo gumuhit.
sabay pinta sa ngiti sa mukha.
ng mumunting mga guhit sa iyong bibig.
ng tawa at gulat na nagbigay tamis at tuwa
makulay ang kanbas.
lahat ng tikwas masaya, mabuti, mumunting mga alaala
may mga tao, at lugar, at makukulit na mga pantasyang lumilipad.
masaya silang lahat. ang ganda ng ginuhit.
ngunit may malaking puti pa rin sa mga gilid, at taas, at gitna ng drowing

ang larawa'y di tapos.
tumigil na lang bigla.
ang kulay. ang sigla. ang saya. namatay.
may bumitaw sa pinta.
ang napakagandang obra, di natapos.
pilit binubura ang mga tuldok.
ngunit masyadong madiin at malamig ang pagkalagay.

walang nagawa.
ang ganda sana. di natapos.
namatay ang sulong gumagabay.
hindi niya alam kung anong dahilan.

at ayun ang pininta.
makulay. masaya. at kaaya aya

mga munting alaalang paulit ulit inuulit.

circadian rythmn

you don't sleep. you live. you fight to keep yourself awake.
you disturb your cerebellum and limbic system and all the sulci and gyri.
you think of strategies and face the battle with the best testmanship.

you die.

then you have to revive yourself.

to die again tomorrow.

if ever there is one for you.


life.


nobody dies a virgin.
life fucks us all.

Vagina Monologue

"if your Vagina can talk, what would it say?"

a famous tagline i heard from my High School Teacher to my Female classmates during Second Year.

but now, i wonder. If the Vagina can talk, whose story will you hear?

The Labia Minor and Major sure has different stories to tell. Together with the Six Holes (oh yes, Six!) of the Vestibule inside. I'm sure the clitoris will say a different tale as well. With singing backgrounds of the Skene's Gland and Bertholin's waiting for them to be heard. or smelled. oh god.

And there's the Hymeneal membrane. what would it say? "I've been waiting to be popped for so long"? or, "Keep me, baby. Keep me forever." or, "I've been whacked long ago." (then why is she there?) or, "I'm just as pure as this love this woman can give"

Most of them only offers a one-way conversation. One way: Out. They always secrete out juices, out and out, only one hole where you can put a thing in. Unless you put a urinary catheter inside the other one. But that's Pathologic...

The Vagina is soo complicated. We guys are staring to think it's unfair because We've been discussing the Vagina for almost 2 weeks now, while the Male Reprod system is just placed on the "Similar Stuctures" part of the Module There's not even a part of the module Dedicated ENTIRELY for the Penis, yet there are several parts of the Module talking about the first layer, second layer, third layer of muscles and fascia and ligaments tied and intertwined. And it's a completely different story if the Female is pregnant.

Sabi ko nga kay Raffy. "Pag ako gagawa ng Anatomy Module, ilalagay ko ang Male Reprod sa First Shift. Anatomy Genaralities, Scalp, Face, tapos PENIS. then different module pag TESTES".. nah.

This week in anatomy, I think we'll be discussing the Penis. But will be quizzing on the Eyes and Eyes discussed 2 weeks ago. Weird, eh?

again, if the Vagina can speak, as one if possible. What would it say?

Like what Meredith Grey said to Derek Sheperd:

"Pick me. Choose me. Love me."

:P

noticing Mars

When you're all at sea and you're drinking alone,
you wouldn't miss this particular bright,
reddish star, the one that doesn't blink as much as the others.
I have the idea that it's actually Mars,
but do not take my word for it.
I look at it most nights and wonder (empty bottles cluttering the table)
does she even notice Mars?

-got this one from my friend, Marlon Borreo. astig lang kaya ko nilagay. :) thanks tol.

God Always Sends Saviors

im having a hard time right now.. probably more problems a typical med student can have. believe me, you don't wanna know. no, i didnt get someone pregnant. but it is bad. real shitty bad. atleast that's what i thought 10 minutes ago.

no one knows about this. no one has seen the whole picture. one knows a piece, and another one knows another side, and some are just kept inside me. mostly internal battles. my demons crawling back at me to make me weak.

by 1AM after too much thinking of too much things... i started to give up. and pitied myself. right here. seated in from of the monitor while im trying to cheer myself up by watching a funny downloaded movie... movie is not working. i stopped it.

and then i just stopped. and thought hard. and lost hope.
and didnt know what to do anymore.
fear ate me, and scared me, and consumed me.
i gave up. and broke down. and lost.

and suddenly...

someone texted me,

"The strongest people have the worst problems,
The worst trials,
The worst situations.
It is not because God wants them to suffer.
But it is because God trusts them so much...
He gave them something he knows he can overcome"

wow.

i've heard this all before, i even said these words before, but it never hit me this way before.

what is the probability that a random send-to-all message will arrive while you're staring at your cellphone, contemplating, bitching, self-pitying, and just seconds after you gave up hope... and that message will appear?

i know this is just one of his Send-to-all messages to his Globe list,
but I believe it was God who sent that message in the right timing, and place.
I believe he sent that to save me.
Like what he always does,
like what he just did,
like what he will always do.

In every (*everydwtlpipolknowswhatimtalkingabout) night, i usually give this exact example to them.(*andyouknowwhothat'them'is)


i mean this exact example.
but it never occured to me, until tonight.
thank you, Lord.

God always send saviors.

it is not a question of "to whom does God speak?," but "who Listens?"

to my Friend, Jay-ar Dominguez, you may always send an average of a thousand text messages everyday, but this time, your message made sense. thank you for that. ndi nako nagreply dahil overwhelmed nako sa nangyari. you may not be aware of this, but God has made you an instrument to Save me. Thanks for that, dude

Ang galing ni God. +BIL

wish upon a star

is it god? is it love? is just you and me?

I've been here before.
But never felt this way before.
I thought I saw you before.
I'm afraid I'll never see you again.

So I kept myself a secret lover.
And I kissed you secretly with all the strength in my heart.
And my kiss silently blushed as the universe lay itself on us.

(stolen from Someone's blog years ago. i just loove this poem)

the bottomless dose of tests

Last Thursday to This Week's Wednesday = Shifting Exams
Thursday = Ethics Shifting, Biochem Lam Exam, SCOFYL Integrated Case Test
Friday = Short Quiz: Skin
Monday = Physiology Endocrine Quiz
Tuesday = Anatomy? Short Quiz
Wednesday = Biochem Quiz

it never ends baby. yesterday, Doc Someone-I-Keep-Forgetting-His-Name taught how eyebags are made. A lot of side stories in the Anatomy of the eye. Everyone's bored as usual and i was *almost? caught sleeping. It's funny how sleep becomes more and more treasured by the Shifting. Last June or July, everyone rushes to The Pit and Drink after Hell Weeks or Exams, now, more or less, people just go home immediately and theyd rather sleep... and then study again.

anyways, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it"

+bil

even the best fall down sometimes.

ang OA ko. just wanna say T H A N K S

sa lahat ng taong nag-abala para bumisita sakin sa Hospital lalo na yung dalawang beses pang pumunta. :)

sa Subsec B2 and FB (special mention ka ah?), si Mike at Mark, Inigo Baste,  Pia, Harry, Jane at Gail (Thanks sa Cake!), at xempre sa 4Bio1

at sa Surprise Guest: si Rafael, yung tahimik na Brother ni Jade Ann. sobrang opposite niya. hahaha.

maxado kasing madami kung iisa isahin ko nanaman. hehe.

Syempre that 3 1/2 days ko sa Hospital gave me a lot of time to think, and overthink thoughts which i have no time thinking of on a regular school day.

and i want to write about it again. pero kailangan kong mag-aral ng EPID. wahahahah

fast forward... ten years :P

i just took a Medical Specialty Aptitude Test.. and ito daw ang pinakabagay sakin:

(yung mga naka-bold yung yung mga trip kong specs)

Rank	Specialty	Score
1	neurosurgery - mcdreamie hahaha	45
2	nuclear med	43
3	plastic surgery - ohyeah, mcsteamy... hahahaha	42
4	infectious disease	42
5	hematology - tlga? i hate blood nga eh...	42
6	gastroenterology - parang Miranda Bailey :)	42
7	pulmonology - like doc Tim!	42
8	dermatology - Vicky Belo	41
9	anesthesiology - Like my Dad! Yay!	41
10	physical med & rehabilitation	41
11	radiology - madami daw math dito kaya OK to.	41
12	ophthalmology	40
13	allergy & immunology	39
14	radiation oncology	39
15	endocrinology	39
16	aerospace med	38
17	rheumatology	38
18	urology - Penis and Vagina Expert. why not? haha	38
19	thoracic surgery - Parang Prestong Burke	38
20	pediatrics - there's a small voice in me that says i like kids even though i Don't	38
21	pathology - parang Doc Bixby	38
22	otolaryngology - Like Benito Uy	37
23	cardiology	37
24	emergency med	37
25	orthopaedic surgery waaaa why is this ranked 25?!?! hahahaha	36'
26	occupational med	36
27	colon & rectal surgery - surgeon of the bowel and the ass	35
28	general internal med	34
29	psychiatry - the brain. ohyeah	34
30	preventive med	34
31	obstetrics/gynecology	33
32	neurology - more nerves babu	33
33	med oncology	33
34	general surgery	32
35	nephrology	31
36	family practice	31

sarap mangarap!