the emo

i read my old, old journals 4 years ago... haha. damn they were soo good. hahaha.

so, imma go back to my old Tabulas site (since my multiply is viewed by sooo many of my Relatives, ahmm? hehe.)

im gonna transfer my blogs to my old blog, Tabulas.

i wanna be back to anonymous blogging again. me blogging. and perfect stangers reading it, and appreciating it. and those strangers become my friends... and "friends" hahaha .. so, well, goodbye Multiply Blog. I'll still post some of my fave blogs here but not as often as before. owel. :)

im saying 'i love you again,' are you listening?

im sayin i love you again, are you listening?

the last song syndrome. for the past 2 days.

i cant sleep. the sun is starting to shine, or it's just my illusion of the dimly lit garage on my left lateral peripheral side.

just 5 minutes ago i've heard soft whispers beside my room. scary. there ARE ghosts in this house, everybody says. but then when i checked, i realized... Shen and his friends are still awake. Sneaked in a bottle of  GSM Blue and Island Lime. That explains the eerie sounds. No Ghosts. That's Good.

"im saying i love you again" - the freakin song's still playing on my head...

speaking of... looking back to my "past" ahhmm life so far (you know what i mean, i guess).. well, one is a Flight Attendant and just gave birth, one is working as a Call Center Agent (which she said to me once that she'll never be doing that- ever), one just passed the Nursing Board Exams, one just passed the Med Tech exams, and the rest I haven't heard of. and, Oh, i remember, one had an abortion 4 years ago. demn. haha.

in the words of Coelho, (not the exact ones perhaps), "I tried to find the common denominator among all the girl's i've been with. And i realize that there is only one thing they all have in common: Me." [edit - when i re-read this part, i didnt get the point why put this one. haha.. /edit]

all at a certain point in time, our hands clasped each other, and for some, i sometimes regret that I did. For some I'd love to repeat the story over and over again. And some, were just... there. One by one they tried to teach me something. All of them got a hand on me growing up. All of them put a specific something on me that made me remember them in their own special way. It's like a mark in myself that said, "Mitch was here", "Gail was here", "Genna was here", blablabla.
A collage of cute vandalisms.
Some lessons they taught and the other taught and the other taught were redundant. Simply because I didn't learn.
Some lessons I thought were trivial. Till I realized it'd come handy along the way.
Some were hardcore. Not Sexy-hardcore. But life-hardcore.
Some you have to learn the hard way.

As the old saying goes, "We area all part of everyone we meet" I have parts of them in me. And perhaps I've left a part of me in them. If only they'll get to see me now, maybe they'd be proud. Maybe.

 Memories. They're all you got. That's all that's left.
another product of my too-much-thinking-during-school-breaks-syndrome

The LSS is still playing. Perhaps some alcohol could take it away..

"im saying i love you again, are you listening?"

i don't know when the next time will be.
i don't know if i'm sane enough to enter another commitment.
but i'm sure there will be a next time. i gotta be sure.
cause no matter how many girls have carved their own souvenirs on me, there will always be room for more.
there will always be room for improvement.
for growth.
for more memories,
for lessons,
there will always be room for love.

and for us.
whoever that you in me will be.

someday someone's gonna own this Fatty Cardiomegalic Heart again. maybe not now. or maybe not soon. maybe i'll put in a promo, "Heart for Sale, plus Free Fatty Liver", but im not that desperate... yet...

maybe... just maybe, someone's having a same LSS as i am having at this moment, and decided to open up their Multiply account and happen to read this blog.

which is very, very unlikely.

haha

---
the Sun is up. and it's real this time.

time to sleep. again. ;)

too much thinking

i said i would do a lot when this break comes.

im sleeping 12 hours each day. im like a Polar Bear, waiting for my turn to use the PC, and when my Brothers or Sister bugs me that it's their time to use the PC, i unviolently sit on the sofa, and then.. without noticing it, im asleep again. demn.

so, whenever im not sleeping, and not using the PC, im just... thinking.... and thinking... and thinking too much...

about this life... the family, the subsec,the big-egoed self, and the grades. napanaginipan ko pa nga si Ma'am Co-Huy eh...sobrang kakaisip.

and i'm always not myself when i wake up. lagi akong ganun, ampangit ng feeling. i dont know what's wrong with my hormones na kung umaga, ampangit ng pakiramdam ko. eh yung 12 hours na to ay hindi straight, tig 4 hours ito. so, nafifeel ko yung pangit na feeling na yun three times a day.

i dont know what else to do. i need someone to talk to.

crap. another worthless blog. haha.

high school reunion

Reunion with Semi-Creme / Reverence / Mercy Peeps,

mula gabi hanggang umaga... masaya naming pinag-usapan ang BASKETBALL.

hahaha. that was soooo fun Reminiscing the missed shots, the Championships, the Fights we had with other Sections.. and we realized, WE DIDNT EVEN WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIPS! WAHAHA! But we had the most fun.. especially Me and Marco who tasted the championship finals TWICE consecutively for Reverence and Wisdom.

wow. i missed being a highschool student. I missed being young and not thinking about anything but basketball, your girlfriend, and Playstation. hahaha.

i missed my highschool friends. tambay sa Lourdes Carinderia, Makipag-away sa ibang sections dahil sa mga walang kwentang bagay, umupo sa corridors at paguusapan kung sino sino (si L1 at L2, at L3, and K1-K6 wahahaha), tumambay pa din, maglaro sa basketball kung saan saan at kung kani kaninong mga bahay, umuwi sa bahay at idadahilan mo lang ay "project",

haaay. haaayskul. owel. we'll meet again. :D

everybody's partying and we're all studying

It's Paskuhan night tonight. and I am studying neuro Ana, just finished and Failed another Biochem Exam (kelan ba ako aasenso sa Biochem?), and two tests in Physiology...

It's the season when the air smells like Honey Glazed Ham, where the departments have Xmas Parties, and me getting drunk every night.

Change. One thing I have to deal with this year. and a lot of them did change.

sometimes i find myself desperately catching up, and self pitying because of all the major C R A P that's been happening. I clinged so much to my past lifestyle and what do i get in return? bad grades.

sometimes i wish this would all just disappear. the pressure. the pain. the depression... but nothing worthwhile comes easy.

and because of that, i appreciated parties more.
i appreciated weekends more.
and i appreciated coffee a lot more.

maybe that's the way with life... it never stops. once you get into a plateau of hapiness and contenment that everything is doing fine with your life, life gives you more... life shakes you, so that you give life more of what you're made of.. of what you're really made of. and you'll end up a better person right after.

so right now, I guess the Era of Paskuhan is over for me. Though i did stay and watched the fireworks and got the free food and showed our Newbies how Paskuhan is spent at UST, and then, one Jeepney ride later, here i am... Uploading the USB full of the BRAIN, the Cerebellum, the Cerebrum and all.

Life has to move on.

Everybody's Partying, and We're all Studying Neuroana.

wish list...

simple wishes for my complicated life.

hindi ako makamundong tao. nasa itsura ko lang na makamundo ako pero hindi. kung tutuusin, angkokorni ng mga wishes ko, pero ito tlga ang mga gusto ko eh. :)


1. Pass the coming two tests this week: Neuroanatomy Practicals and Biochem Departmentals

2. A complete subsec get-together / lunch out / whatever.

3. Meet 4bio1 Peeps again

4. A day not thinking about Med.. even just for one day.

5. Complete Bilateral family on Xmas day [always happens]

6. People to understand me for who i am. (damn, that sounds so fucking gay)

7. Be able to attend the coming Medical Missions.

8. Get a better study habit, push away distractions

9. Give money to the kids beside our haus in Zambales.

10. Get a full 12-hour sleep. and when i wake up, i want a hot coffee, fried rice, bacon and eggs.

11. Watch a movie that will make me feel really really good.

12. Watch the Paskuhan Fireworks... alone. (god, the memories, again)

13. Help my sister relax and enjoy life. God, she's been thinking that Highschool is a lot harder than college. heck.

14. Watch a perfect sunset... alone. (yeah, i enjoy doing things more when im alone)

15. Write more blogs. My outlet, and the only way to keep me sane, i dont want all these things piled up in my mind, there's a need to pour it out.

16. Attend even 3 Simbang Gabi Masses.

17. Add more DWTL songs in my iTunes Library

18. Drink a lot of Beer with a lot of Friends and dont care about Driving Home Drunk. haha

19. A better world.

20. A better country

21. A happier medlife

22. A closer Subsec

23. A better Me.

wtf? KOKEY?

what the fuck. i saw this on the ABS CBN website. totoo ba to? shit.

tangina andami palang nagmamahal sa kokay na to? ano bang nakakatuwa dito? nakakainis kaya sila tignan.

comments ng mga Viewers sa Internet:

Aww..how sad naman if Kokey is until Nov 9 lang..if ever.

Weird, because when this show Kokey first came out in the commercials..I was like..'Oh, another show for the little kids'.  At first, it really didn't interest me at all since it was more for the younger viewers. Til I began to follow the show and it's story. That's when I began to fall in love watching Kokey and I just think he's so cute and adorable. Medyo sad nga ngayon ang story because he got captured and chained (by the character of Ryan Eigenmann)..same goes for his mom..na captured din by those scientists. Ay, wonder what'll happen? When I see Kokey parang gusto ko syang i-pinch sa cheeks.. na parang bata.. hehe. Sana nga ma-extend ang Kokey..hopefully to a much extended date aside from the Nov 9 that's posted here..Go Kokey..Go!! :)

sabihin na nating binayaran ang hunyangong to [kasama ng andami dami pang taong pinupuri si kokeysa forum na yun], pero grabe naman, naglolokohan lang ba tayo o madami ba talagang nagmamahal sa pangit na yun?

shit. pero, ewan ko nalang kung binayaran na rin ng channel 2 and Manila Bulletin para isulat ito, sa bagay, walang impossible sa channel 2:

"Kokey" bows out victoriously

Too bad that director Wenn Deramas’ well-loved fantasy series on ABS-CBN, "Kokey," had to end last Friday even as more viewers have come to love the TV character. In fact, when "Kokey" aired its finale, it registered an impressive 28.6 percent rating, based on AGB Nielsen Philippines survey.

There were a number of "Kokey" young viewers who cried when the series ended last Friday. It was supposed to run for only nine weeks, but was extended thrice due to favorable ratings and feedback from primetime viewers.

http://www.mb.com.ph/ENTR20071117108841.html

what the fuck. cmon philippines, wake up.

how tomasino are you?

i love this school.

especially med. from the first day theyve been saying to us that they are the best medical school in the country.

and they really are.

from dra laygo, dr trinidad, dr cuevas, the MIC, ana lab, xerox machines and all. hehe.


i love this school so much na nabubwisit ako sa mga taong reklamo nang reklamo sa sistema/pila/grammar ng teachers/baha/mainit daw [putangina, mainit naman talaga sa Pilipinas eh?] at kung ano ano pang reklamo sa UST. EDI PUTANGINA, LUMIPAT NALANG KAYO NG SCHOOL KUNG MAGREREKLAMO LANG KAYO? haha. nyeta. o ayan nanaman, naaasar nanaman ako mehn. haha. einiwaes, i got this from Eunice's blog. thanks Eunice.


survey survey


MOMENT SA LIBRARY 1

[x] Nagbasa ng newspaper (study hall)

[x] Nagkaroon ng favorite spot to study or tambay

[ ] Alam ang “CR Cleaning” schedule

[x] Pumila para makapag-internet

[x] Sinuyod ang sections at floors para lang makapag-internet

 

Total = 4

 

MOMENT SA LIBRARY 2

[x] Gumamit ng discussion rooms / study rooms  [pra makatulog. hehe]

[x] Sinita ng Librarian / Student Asst. [kasi  either tulog or sobrang ingay]

[x] Na-curious sa “Chinese Section” sa 4th Floor  [Chiang Ching Quo center ata yung name nun.]

[x] Nag-abang nang matagal sa elevator

[x] Gumawa ng paraan para makalusot ang bag sa guard [shit. so true]

 

Total + Previous = 9

 

COLLEGE LIFE

[x] Nagkaroon ng feud with other section or block [hmm... friendly feud hahaha]

[x] Nagpa-photocopy ng textbook per chapter (botany)

[x] Pumila para magpa-print ng assignment or project [lab report]

[x] Gumawa ng assignment before mag-start ang class

[x] Sumali sa org para lang may malagay sa resume [lingkod er, campus ministry]

 

Total + Previous = 14

 

OOOOPS! 1

[x] Naka-witness ng “lovers” sa “lover’s lane”

[x] Naging “lover” sa “lover’s lane” [nung paskuhan]

[x] Nag-kickback sa text books

[x] Nag-aral pero nangongopya pa rin

[x] Nainis sa classmate na hindi nagpapakopya [nagkapersonalan pa nga eh.]

 

Total + Previous = 19

 

OOOOPS! 2

[x] Binigyan ng pet name ang prof [of course, benjamin roda palang]

[ ] Hindi memorize ang UST Hymn

[x] Nagsulat sa desk / wall [sa table ko nun "Basta ikaw lord", chaka, formulas sa Cell Bio lab]

[x] Nag-charge ng cellphone sa classroom [sa ilalim pa ng board hehe]

[x] Nag-cut ng class dahil “wala lang”

 

Total + Previous = 23

 

UNIQUELY TOMASINO 1

[x] Hindi alam ang mga pangalan ng statues sa main bldg. [socrates, plato, aristotle, yung iba di ko na alam. yung isa daw dun, si pope]

[x] Nag-attempt umakyat / umakyat sa tower ng main bldg. yup, sa OLES.

[ ] Naka-witness ng nag-sign of the cross sa tapat ng main bldg.  [ako yung nag sign of the cross]

[x] Pumila para mag-swipe ng ID to enter the bldg.

[ ] Laging may dalang payong or spare slippers

 

Total + Previous = 26

 

UNIQUELY TOMASINO 2

[ ] Pumunta sa SM Manila with classmates as a group

[x] Pumunta sa SM San Lazaro with classmates as a group (madaming beses chong)

[x] Nag-amoy Almer’s / Flavorites (Sisig beybeh)

[x] Uminom ng liquor sa Momo’s / Café Dapits / 1611 (Syempre. hehe)

[x] Naki-jam sa Mayric’s [once, with my ex]

 

Total + Previous = 30

 

UNIQUELY TOMASINO 3

[x] Nagpapicture sa Arch of the Centuries (nung bakaloryat. at tuwing paskuhan)

[ ] Gumamit ng “Anong petsa na?”

[x] Naligo sa Grand Stand showers (Yup. PE, kahit arnis lang naligo nako dun hehe)

[x] Bumoto ng “abstain” sa Student Council election [oh yeah. this is sooo funny.]

[x] Shopping sa Dangwa / Quiapo / Divisoria on a school day [DVD, at Ps2 sa quiapo at recto]

 

Total + Previous = 34

 

UNIQUELY TOMASINO 4

[x] Nainggit sa uniform ng ibang college / faculty (nung bio ako, MED UNIFORM)

[x] Nainggit sa ibang college shirt [yung shirt ng Tau Mu]

[x] Nagsusuot ng college shirt kahit hindi na college week [opkors]

[ ] Napansin ang “wappers” at “cartoons” sa trash bins

[x] Namasyal sa Botanical Garden (umihi pa kami doon ni boom nung lasing na kami. xmas 04)

 

Total + Previous = 38

 

PROUD KA BA?

[x] Proud sa Salinggawi [oo gagu. go uste]

[x] Proud sa Main Bldg. [the church kuno]

[x] Proud sa pagiging Royal at Pontifical [the only royal and pontifical and catholic.  e kayo, ano ang THE ninyo? THE university of the Philippines? haha joke sabby]

[x] Anticipating 400th year celebration (still keeping the 2011 dream alive)

[x] Proudly Thomasian. (of course baby)

 
Total + Previous = 43

grand total x 2 = 86 = sana ito ang grade ko sa Biochem. hahaHA

its always hard to say goodbye

"you're leaving?" he asked

"yup. im sorry" she replied back

"that sucks. merely 2 weeks?"

"2 weeks. but one of your longest 2 weeks, am i right?"

"hell yeah. ive been to Days 64, Played monster rancher till death, surfed the net till morning, played chaos legion, went to zambales, slept for an average of 10 hours a day, went to austin's, to pier one, to a wedding, to olongapo."

"looks like we did have fun, karl"

"i guess so. though it didnt went as planned. like go to EK, and Tagaytay and Greg's Punta Fuego. but well, i know i had fun. i needed you. i deserved you for god's sake. i longed for you since august... and so... here we are. bidding goodbyes. damn it, im gonna miss you"

"well. that's the way it is. until next year i spose?"

"it'll be another year next year. and i wont be the same, i guess"

"its ok. i wont be the same either. different digit on my last, different dates, and you better hope i become longer... and with a lot more suprises. and i hope i can bring along new adventures for you."

"thanks. you really mean a lot to me. and i really hate to see you go. the next time ill be opening my eyes again after i sleep, the first thing that im going to see is my Physio handouts, and Biochem. and god. we have a quiz. on our first day. crap...

...the moment you leave. the moment our eyes part, and you set off to somewhere i dont know... the moment we bid each other goodbye, i have to force myself to forget what we had"

"you dont have to forget me, karl. that's what memories are for. the problem with you is you cling too much to the memory that you forget that there's a present that you are in, and a future you are about to face,"

"i know. and honestly, im scared. scared to death. because when you leave, my demons are here to haunt me back. my 67 and idunno-what 2nd shift grade is back to put the pressure. neuroana, histo, epid, biochem, physiology, ana will be back, bringing along new friends with them: prev med and ethics. life will again be a matter of B-65 and 75 and computing and re-computing and catching up...

...i have to love another again. but the thing is, i love you, you know that? you're just so easy to love. effortless and pressure-free. carefree and inexpensive. i couldve chosen you among them all... but i have to move on."

"i know. its ok. im used to that. i only come to you once a year. and i give you everything your tired body and spirit and soul ever needed. and that's my purpose. that's why im called semestral break. just a break. a break from all that has been and for you to recharge and give you strength for all that you will be facing...

..,yes, you have to move on, karl. you have no choice. you have no choice but to love the one after me. dont worry, i wont get jealous. and ill be back, i promise, next year, ill be back, and i know you'll be needing me again."

"oh god. so, goodbye sembreak?"

"yeah. goodbye karl"

"until next year. dapat may boracay na jan sa events ah"

"dude, its your call, or maybe summer.haha. hey, stay strong, study well, and like what you always say, do it out of ---"

"--do it out of Love."

and there she went. doing what she had been doing ever since his education had begun: leaving after giving a well, well deserved rest. she was smiling. for she saw how much karl had changed since last year. and she saw how he needed her this bad this year. and she realized that there will be only two visits left. one on second year medschool, and one on third year. no sembreaks on clerkship.

and there, karl closed the door. he cant believe its over. seemed like yesterday he found out that he passed psych and felt the full enjoyment of the sembreak. but now, he'll be again embracing handouts and gripping highlighters under the romantic light of the study table. and then he realized, he missed medschool after all. he missed the pressure, the english speaking people, and the cadavers...

in less than 36 hours, he'll be back to being a zombie again.
in less than 36 hours, he'll accept that fact. whether he likes it our not.


/end

<edit> another schizo entry, i know. haha. </edit>

just like my days

ten batches.
6 sponsorings.
1 staffing.
9/10 batches attended. 
8 givings.
10+ people recruited
4 senas attended
2/3 of the people i met in college came from these "kulto" kuno


all because of One Weekend I took 10 batches ago.
because of one shout, one commitment
one call from above.

my Days with The Lord

the life-changing weekend.

god. its been ten batches. wow. ten batches. that time i didnt know who kris rea is. or mami olive, or emai, or chris ramirez, or enrico, or penn or chudz, or carlo. and it was a long long ride.

a lot has happened. everything changed. from a guy whose problem was just his lovelife to someone who has a larger-than-life dream with matters more complicated than just relationships and a student's life being governed by an unending quest for numbers just to pass.

life has been a lot complicated. before i just know that the large intestine has a duodenum, jejenun and an ileum. now, there are  parts of the duodenum pala, and not to mention its detailed structure that varies every layer for every part. my prayers before were just, 'sana hindi umulan' or 'sana madagdagan na allowance ko'.. now its like "god, let me pass psych". "give me a sign"."how am i supposed to gather this sum of money?"

life has been a lot complicated. but then, i had been a lot simpler. it became easier to make me smile. before it would take a big fat ass joke to make me laugh. but now, even a baby saying "gagu" este "mama" will sometimes make my day. before i was wishing for a kick-ass beautiful girlfriend. i had it before. but i never was contented. but now, even though i dont have a girlfriend, anjan naman si Lord... yuck ang baduy. pero, in a way, totoo naman. ever since days i talk to him always. and he talks back in different ways. minsan minumura ko siya, minsan natutuwa ako sa kanya. my relationship with Him is really something im proud of.

before, id panic for a short quiz, but now, even though i have biochem exams coming in the next  hours, one sip of coffee would calm me down as i feel in the warmness out of the cold hard headed night. well, but that doesnt mean my grades are better. wahaha

as life was getting harder. my approach for it was getting simpler and simpler, until it comes down to one single solution. one single essential thing to answer the freakin complicated puzzle of the 4th day.

LOVE

if i love what im doing, studying wont be a burden.
i love days thats why even though i dont have a car this weekend, i still tried my best to go on the three days.
if i love serving people, it  wouldnt be a burden for me to wake up early in the morning just to participate in medical missions which we dont get paid for.

like one song in days said, "love is the answer, to all our questions."

god it was hard for me to fathom that song before. but right now, its just so simple and pure and is just around. had always been just around. that all i need to face the world, is a little love in my heart.

and i know that that would be enough to move mountains, make me fly, and heck, make me pass Psychiatry.

so... ten batches.  2 years since the commitment, since i doubt, wept, trusted, and now, live.

i always come back to my Days. to the clouded skies of antipolo, the cold breeze of alpadi air, the sweet longanisa i had on the sunday breakfast, the songs iv heard on the second night, the feel of fresh rain on the first night. the gentle song of day by day, i just close my eyes and remember them like it was just happening again right in front of me. everything was so perfect, so good, so high. and after that, everything seems to be alright again...

days with the lord: an experience you wont forget, a decision you wont regret.

"and when the times get tough. and the world simply falls apart
ill come back to you, and let each tear i cry
wash away the fear i have inside
just like my days, my days with you oh Lord."+bil

first break of light.

"and we'll watch the stars go by
and we'll count the stars that shines at night
and together we'll watch the first break of light"

+bil

smell the love

wrote this one after the Metabolism long exam at Biochem lab.

Random thoughts... Med Life = napakalayo sa Grey's Anatomy

    "tell me your blue skies fade to gray. tell me your passion's gone away"

its 11.47PM and I just woke up and just about to start my Night of Reviewing Psychiatry. and right now as i'm typing this, i'm downloading the powerpoint lectures... and considering my grades in Psych... probably i wont sleep tonight...again.

i've been talking to myself a lot these past few days. asking myself what's happening to me cause it seems like im falling apart. i never spoke to anyone about this. which is something new cause my friends know me to be very vocal about everything...

i just failed three quizzes in one day. i failed the Neuroanatomy exam. god. that very easy Neuroanatomy practical exams. ang daya daya talaga. madali lang talaga yung test... malas lang talaga ako. nakakapanghinayang talaga. and the thing is, you have to move on as quickly as possible for you to be conditioned for the next exam... and the cycle goes on tomorrow, and the next week, and the next week....

so this is the career i signed up for...

and, god, it's far from what you guys see in Grey's Anatomy. very very far.


walang Hot chicks like Izzie,
wala yung lovelife na kung sino sino ang hot peeps and involved.. pero meron kang subsec na makakasama mo for the next 4 years... hanggang clerkship pare!
wala yung weird na cases every episode, pero perong mga weird exams every day
, sa Grey's, nakakadalaw pa sila sa Bar halos every night, hindi nagpapaxerox ng handouts, masarap pa ang tulog nila, eyebag-free ang mga mata nila...

Malayo ang mga buhay namin kila Alex Karev, George O'Malley, Meredith Grey, at ang buong cast. nageenglish sila. parang may time sila para sa lahat. at may time pa silang maglasing lasing at makapag-ayos para sa next episode. TV is so overrated. hahahahahha.

 aral na nga. :P

Oh Yeah... Congrats B md 2011!

Congratulations to the Future Doctors of Section B for Winning the Open Category!

"It was all worth the shame"-Karl

"We'll do this for the Class! One for B-md!" -Mark Diaz

"Congrats Charmel!" -text sakin ni Doria kaninang umaga.

Wohoo! 5 Million!

Open your breif! Este Breifcase!
 
thanks keke and austin for the pics



SECTION B SPELLING!
SECTION B SPELLING!
ONE! TWO! THREE!
B!
*mark fang! penny! mark fang! penny!*
(repeat till fade)

it starts again tomorrow.

med week is over. and tomorrow we'll be back to the usual routine... 4 hours of Physio, break, 4 hours of Biochem. go home, study. sleep 3 hours. wake up. 5 hours anatomy, 3 hours histology...

it never ends. haha.

Pagbabayaran namin lahat ng kaligayahang naranasan namin last weeki kasi pinagpatong-patong nanaman ng mga butihin nating mga propesor/doktor/facilitator/AMO/DIYOS ang mga examssss. wala nanamang tulog. pero, tae, ndi pa ba kami sanay?

Monday:
Physio: pre lebcon quiz,
post lab con quiz.
Biochem: Labcon
at ndi pa sure na SGD

Tuesday:
Anatomy Mini Practicals?
Due Histology Coloring Book.
Don't know if there's a post test again on Histo.

Wednesday:
Physio Protocol quiz,
Biochem Test (Metabolic Integration + Others),
and SGD?

Thursday:
8AM: Anatomy Practicals,
1PM: Neuroanatomy Practicals,
4PM: Anatomy Long Exam (Abdomen, Ant GI, Pos GI, etc)

Friday:  
Psychiatry Shifting Exams!
Psychiatry Quiz Right After

Coming Up Next Next  Week:
SHIFTING EXAMS!

may nalimutan pa ba ako?

ewangko nalang kung eepal pa ang Epidemiology dito ah?!?

o ano? exam pa! tangina!!!!! SECTION B SPELLING!?!

pero eto nga... pag nabasa man to ng mga Higher Years, matatawa sila sa Sinasabi ko. matatawa sila dahil MADALI PA DAW TO. sorry naman. madali pa?!? WALA KAYONG EPID LASY YEAR! AT PWEDE KAYONG MAG SAMPLEX LAST YEAR! hahah *peace!*

pero lamo, 10-12 years after this, my Grades in Biochem, Anatomy, Physiology, Psychiatry won't matter anymore. All that matters is how I deal with my patients, how many Lives I saved and will save. How many lives I touched, and Changed. That time, my patients won't ask me,, "Dok, ano bang grade mo nung Biochem?" or, "Dok, Sino bang facilitator mo sa Histology?"... it wont fucking matter anymore. (Or else saksaksakin ko sila ng Scalpel.. joke. hahaha)

My dad showed me that it's not the grades that will tell you what kind of doctor you are going to be, its how you deal with your patients. If you treat them as subjects with an interesting case or as a father who wants to be back at home with his whole family for Xmas. It's how you make them smile for cutting 50% of your PF. It's on how passionate you are on what you do... that you do it with a smile, and with a light heart, thinking that you are the Hands of God and He uses you as an instrument to lay out his plans. It's not on what school you are from, and not on how high or low your NMAT grade is...

Vicky Belo failed biochem at UST med before. But she's successful pa rin naman. (woops, that's not an excuse to fail Biochem hahaah)

in 10 years, our grades wont matter anymore...

but in the mean time, i still have to pass all these subjects... yun yun eh. haha. hay. med. :P

from Conversations with God

one of the Best Life-Changing Books I've read and re-read, and re-read. Its a trilogy, and then their Conversation expanded.

Here's one of my favorite lines:

biochem

crap. 99Pages,

60 item-Test.

Layga's Lecture: 52 pages
Tiongson's Lecture: 28 pages
Macaranas': 7 pages
Blas: 12  pages

as of 10:38PM:
32 Pages Down,
67Pages to go

This is crap. Sino bang nakaisip na pagsamahin ang Amino Aciod metab at yung iba pang 3 lectures sa iisang lintek na quiz?! Sana man langisang quiz lang yung amino acid dahil yun yung mahirap diba?

owel. demn.

by the time id be reading this again tomorrow... tapos na ang Biochem test. masaya na. tangina. masayang masaya na. wala nang susunod na test at sa SUNDAY ay BIRTHDAY KO NA! YEHEEEEEEY!

21st Bday ko na...

hay. o, aral na ulit.

ano pre-med mo?

SGD Biochem:

"Anong premed mo iho?"

"Ah, Bio po" (Syempre proud si Karl)

"Ay, walang kwentang Pre-med"

....

i thought you're a cool facil. tsktsk.

One Night Stand

i see you lying next to me
with words i thought id never speak
awake and unafraid
asleep or dead

can you see
my eyes are shining bright
cause im out there
on the other side
of a jet black hotel mirror
and im so weak

is it hard understanding
im incompete
a loveless soul demaning
i get weak

honey if you stay, ill be forgiven
nothing you vould say can stop me going home

these bright lights are always bright to me
so many bright lights to catch a shadow

these sheets are too tight cover us
room to cold for me to feel
and a thousand feeling explode
something far from what words could say
and the night stops,
the wind stops, the moan stops, the breathing stops
the world stops.
life stops.


and whats your name again?
what's my name again?
will it matter anyway?
lets just say goodbye.
you leave first
i stay behind.
ill rest a while after your shadow leaves

and the room is empty
and the room is empty...but me.
and the room is empty.
...just like me.

i am everything but me.

+ basta ikaw...

"Look at all my Trials and Tribulations, Sinking in a gentle pool of wine"

in Days, we gather into a beautiful place, in the name of one person, and concentrate to give out all the help and love we can give to make the next set of Dazers feel the love everyone felt during our time. In there, we shut out everything else. School, Work, Fears, Low Grades, Family Problems, and use the weekend to renew our faith, our commitment, and ourselves.

For me, the weekend never fails to take me apart from all the anxieties i feel. with each song, activity, talk, or even just the silent moments there... it all makes me forget that i'm Karl the Med Student, or Karl the Eldest in the family. It's just Karl. No titles or brands whatsoever.

I needed the Days this weekend. Its one of the weekends that i needed to stop everything in this fast paced life and just focus and refocus and take a time off for me to think, and recharge this tired mind of mine. nagmulto daw si Stephen, buti hindi sakin. Sobrang thanks din sa Family ni Stephen for the Great food na binigay nila samin, (waaa crabs!). Thanks to Ayeen and Dave. Thanks to the Core group. Thanks to the staff especially Gayle, Tin and Amil. Thanks to Jhun and Joann the J&J/R&R, thanks kay at Chel, Dorx, Kukoi, Burnz, and of Course, to Jess.

for the wonderful weekend.

congrats to Jane, BJ, Pia, Julia and Pia.


+bastaikawlord.

"Morning comes and I must go, day is breaking yonder.

After all the places I have been, now I’m going home."

nakakamiss.

helpf

you guys know any easier way to upload photos? wala na ang yahoo photos eh... ang jologs pala ng flicker, so, saaaaaann?? ayokong mag upload, select, click, ng amraming beses TAMAD AKO EH! hahahaa!

 

help? anyone? :)

basta ikaw, stephen

sorry tol, ngayon lang nagka-time magblog. haha. panu ba yan, dwtl63 na next week.

its been 9 batches since i became a dazer, been a candidate, sponsor, staffer, driver, grabber, runner, proxy, and  giver. dwtl has changed my life and had always been there for me to run to, or as a refuge when im down... i always listen to dwtl songs i illegally downloaded and ripped the cd that i borrowed from stephen last batch. he said its illegal, but he still gave me the cd. haha.

...

dwtl 54
my batch.

19 candidates with Gayle, and Kris, Emai, Enrico, Chuds, Penn, Dkee, Aina, Dyan, Ysa, Thea, Venus, Carlo, and others i forgot. haha. with Kris and Olive as our R&R

you were the last speaker. the last talk, and i can still remember the question you asked our group that day, "How do you feel ngayon at matatapos na ang Days?"

and I answered, "I Feel so High." In your talk you talked about your mum, your family, and days. always days.

since then ive been noticing you walking around the corridors of main, greeting greg, and seems like sobrang pakalatkalat ka nun. haha.

dwtl57

i heard you singing the last supper. that's when i appreciated the song a lot more cause for the first time i understood the lyrics. haha.

dwtl58

i was a staff. and you were one of the heads. pinagalitan mo nga ako nun eh. haha. kasi napakadisorganized ko at may nabuhos akong mainit na GC. hahaha. "O KARL? ANO NA GAGAWIN MO DUN SA NABUHOS MO?!? BAT MO INIWAN??!" hahaha

"karl, mali ka. dapat ganto. dapat ganyan. Linisin mo nga ang util room, ang dumi dumi!"

"Karl, samahan mo ako, Duwag ako, diyan ka lang sa tabi, wag ka nang bumalik sa Control, hintayon mo na kaming matapos"

dwtl59

you were drenched in the rain. but you didnt mind. you thanked me for bringing the 8 candidates to antipolo.

dwtl61

you were scared of being assigned to a dark place because you know ghosts loom in Xavier.

dwtl62

my brother's batch. your last batch.

pinalo mo yung pwet ko nun at sabi mo, "O, lumalaki ka nanaman ah.. hahaha? Utol mo anjan?"

it felt weird because like what i tell everyone, we're not really close. and i felt there's a glow in you. you lent me the xavier dwtl cd, and of course i didnt know how to react, hindi nga tayo close diba? bakit moko pinapahiram ng CD? haha.

"Sabihin mo sa kapatid mo pag nakakaramdam siya ng multo wag niyang sasabihin ah?"

the first and last time we talked deeply was after the BIL Night. You gave words to me on how to handle my Brother/s, your dreams on becoming an opthalmologist, on not Joining a Frat, on our Days Experiences so Far, how Days had changed our lives, and how we help others change their lives by giving all the help we can give in DWTL.

you told me about your BIL night experience. tangina kinilabutan ako nung kinwento mo yun. you told me how sometimes, Givers like us are "Posessed" by Jess and how he uses us to give his message to the candis. We shared stuffs about the candidates we've met. And you said that the last Candidate you Gave was one of the best BILs youve made.

on the last day, you wore black. wala lang. hahahaha.

batch dinner. you approached me and jhun, and said, "Oi, mga future classmates ko to!"

ust med

The last time i saw you, you were with Jane, "Stephen! Andito si Doc Bix! Nakita mo?"

"oo, andun, may kausap eh"

...

and that was it. the last of you.

pucha andrama. pero, yun eh.

Ganto pala mamatayan ng kaibigan. Hindi nga kami close pero tangina nahirapan pa rin akong iprocess sa utak ko ang mga nangyari. how much more pa pala kung ang namatay ay isang taong mas close pa sakin. juskopo. ganto pala. ang hirap pala, masakit. masaklap. ang hirap tanggapin...

so... dwtl 63 na. another Antipolo Days Batch. Wag ka sanang magmulto dude, tangina takot din ako sa multo, hindi ko lang pinakita sa iyo dati haha. Stephen, kung asan ka man, salamat. Salamat sa Days Experience, sa pagtulog gawin ng matino ang mga trabaho ko sa days. Thanks Tol,

Basta Ikaw, Stephen.

"Then when we retire, we can write the gospels and we all talk about it when me die" -the last supper

 

getting acquainted

"Bakit ba wala ka kasing ginagawa? Eto na ako at buong buo, walang labis at awalng kulang, bakit wala paring nangyayari satin?"

"nahihiya ako eh" sabi ni karl

"bakit naman?" sabi niya.

"ahmm.. kasi nu June lang tayo nagkakilala, though matagal na kitang nakikita

"so? e ngayong kilala mo ako wala ka namang ginagawa. nagpakahirap kang kunin ako pero tignan mo ang sarili mo ngayon. kaharap mo na, di mo pa pinapatulan"

"bakit mo ba kasi muna ako kailangang pahirapan pa?"

"para naman mas sulit ang sigaw mo pag natapos ka na. para naman titirik ang mata mo sa sarap pagkatapos. para naman sulit ang binayad mo sa akin"

"...hahaha. gago. sabi nga nila sadista ka nga daw."

"alam ko. pero dahil sa pagkasadistang yun, i bring out the best in every person i meet. and they thank me after that..."

"bakit ganun. andami na nilang dumaan sayo at iisa ang sinasabi nila. wala ka bang balak ibahin ang ganung image?" tanong ni karl

"wala" ang simple niyang sagot.

"bakit?"

"bakit hindi? edi mawawala na ang kalidad at reputasyon ko. haha. karl, ako na ang mundo mo ngayon. sa ayaw mo man o gusto, ako ang kasama mo sa umaga, gabi, mapapanaginipan mo, at iisipin mo palagi"

"napakademanding mo nga eh. badtrip. di ko pa nga nababasa ang harry potter dahil nauubos oras ko sayo eh"

"wag kang mag-alala karl, matututunan mo din akong mahalin. at wag kang mag-alala, ittry kong mahalin din kita"

ang tanong ay...kailan yun?


/end


im not talking to a bitch, or a girl, or a human being in the first place.im talking to Medicine. haha. read it again, mas may sense na at di na mukhang bastos. hehe.

nakalimutan mo na bang magmahal?

(ts been a while since i posted a cheezy blog. haha. eew.)

As usual, nandito nanaman ako sa isang internet shop. Harinawa’y ito na ang isa sa mga pinakahuling pagkakataon na magbabayad ako para lang sa internet.

 In short: Putangina, sana magkaDSL na kami.

“Nakalimutan mo na bang magmahal?”

Kanina pa to kinakanta ng isang taong naglalaro ng online game sa likod ko. Hindi ko siya kilala. Paulit ulit niya tong binabanggit. LSS siguro sa kanya to. At syempre, hindi ako ang pinapatamaan niya.

Pero ito ang masaklap: tinamaan ako.

...

Ilang buwan na ba mula nang araw na  yun? Wala pang tatlong buong buwan mula nang hawak ko ang napakapayat mong mga kamay at naglalakad sa mall na sanay na sanay nating daanan. Halos wala ka pa ring pinagbago. Kumikinang ang iyong mga mata na tila umiiyak ngunit natatakpan ito ng bahid ng iyong mga ngiti. Malakas ang boses mo, malakas kang tumawa, madali kong napapabuka ang iyong mga bibig sa halakhak sa mga simpleng hirit ko lamang. Pero siyempre, mas maingay pa din ako.

Alam nating matatapos na ang araw na iyon.
Alam nating lalagyan na ng tuldok ang isang bagay na alam nating nagbuhat ng mga ginintuang aral mula sa iyo, sa akin, at sa ating dalawa.
Ayaw na kitang paiyakin. Oo, alam ko, iiyak ka nanaman. Wag kang mag-alala, minsan naiisip din kita. Pero alam kong kung ano mang desisyon noo’y magdudulot ng mas malakas na ikaw at ako, pero wala na ang tayo.

...

May kasabihan sa klase namin na, “Bawal Magkasakit. Bawal Malungkot. Bawal Masaktan. Bawal Matulog. Bawal Bumitaw. Ang Bumitaw ay magkaroon ng habang buhay na pagkalumo sa sarili.”

Pagkatapos bumagsak ng isang exam, kailangan maka-move-on agad para sa susunod na exam dahil ang pagmumukmok ay magdudulot lamang ng mas malalang mga numero. Pag-uwi mo ng bahay, wala ka nang panahong kamustahin ang kapatid mo kung anong balita sa Play niya, wala nang panahong manood ng TV (tangina, 44 na daw pala ang dollar ngayon?!?), at magiinternet lamang para sa akademikal na dahilan. (Nagdodownload ako ng Anatomy Dissection ngayon habang nagbblog!)

Alam ko tong pinasok ko. Ngunit sa sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari sa mundo namin, eto biglang sabay bato ng isang tanong ng isang taong hindi ko man lang kilala: Nakalimutan mo na bang magmahal?

Nakalimutan mo na bang ilublob kahit minsan ang iyong sarili sa mga yakap ng isang taong gustong gusto mo nang yakapin pagkalipas ng tila mahabang panahon? Nakalimutan mo na bang magmahal? Nalimutan mo na ba ang number niya? and number ng nanay niya? and number ng landline nila na may operator pa, nalimutan mo na ba kung pano pumunta sa bahay nila?

Nakalimutan mo na bang magmahal?

...hindi ko masagot.

pero ikaw? ikaw. ikaw.
nalimutan na ba kita?

ito ang pwede kong masagot: hindi
hindi kita malilimutan.

at sa kung ano man ang atin dati ay matatawag na pagmamahal.
marahil ay di ko nga malilimutang magmahal.

=========

yuck ankorni ko. haha. :P

24th march 07

here i am

with my mum on my left that ive bonded a lot with during baclaran days and hatid-sa-olongapo fridays

with my dad on my right who had been there inspiring me and reaching out and being my cushion when i feel weak

here i am

a year ago i had doubts if im gonna be on time graduating.

two years ago, i have no idea what a dinoflagellate is

three years ago i was just happy i passed biolab and lec

four years ago i was in high school. and have no idea what i am going to face...

no idea how much of a stuggle this wil be,

no idea how great of a journey it is,

no idea how difficult our biosem experience will be,

no idea that im yet to meet great friends,

but today. at this glorious moment,
i stand with pride,
and joy,
and love,
together with the people who made it too,
to march that stage when they call my name,
and people clapping,
and smiling,
and the professors proud of me,
(except for one)

here i am.

i fucking made it.

now i have a BS before my name .
no, not BullShit, Bachelor of Science.

sleepless nights just staring blank at a book talking to myself,
crossfingered clearance days,
controversial field trips,
facing first time failure,
stepping up to lead the way,
overnight inumans,
writing a journal that made a lot of people laugh,

yeah, its over baby.
that 4year course at the main building and CAL.

this is much sweeter now since i can slap this one on Mitch's face:

"hey bitch, i graduated"...

here i am.

bowing before, wearing this filipiniana i bought only for this event, seizing every second of it, smelling the aura of thanksgiving, of finally graduating.

here i am.

im man with bilateral symmetry, a postanal tail, a dorsal hollow nervous system, and a notochord during my embryonic development

im now a biologist ready for the next exponential level, knowing that this is just a freaking warm um, that the next stage is thrice the tuition fee

im now in a thousand feelings and exploding deep within.

here i am...

i am everything but me.

holyweek

1 week sa Zambales. the next time imma be there imma bring along all mah friends with me. oh yeah. :p excited nako. :)

 

sana makapagnet ako sa mga susunod na araw. though mejo malabo yun . owel owel.