Broken Chain
I broke 2 self-imposed traditions. First is the annual obligatory Thanksgiving blog every Birthday. Although I am and always been thankful of the blessings I get every year, I just didn’t feel like there’s something new and blogworthy. Second is this little secret that I do every year (and only a few people knows this) - I write a letter to myself for my next birthday – my expectations, wishes, questions for the year that will come, and hopefully answering them by the time I’ll read it one year later. Got that idea from time capsules, but there’s a minimum of 5 years daw pag time capsule, so I made it an annual letter to myself. I didn’t made one last year so I didn’t receive one this year. And, where did I put those letters anyway? It was so organized last year. Until Ondoy came. Now I don’t remember where they are. So it didn’t matter anymore if I make one. Nakakatamad na din. Corny na rin kasi. Maybe this is another sign of getting old.
Looking back I have seen so much changes. The way I write, the way I think, my priorities, my obsessions, passions, routines, the people around me. 10 years ago, when I was 14, I never would have imagined me to be this one like now. I expected differently. I overshot my expectations. I thought by 21 I’d get my first million, first car, first house, and all the chicks I can get. Somewhere along the way, the illusion died out. I realized my name is not Justin Bieber.
Maybe there’s a kid in me that died as I grew up. I sometimes forget to wear my eyes of colors and generators of my spontaneous thoughts. I kind of lost my corny emo self (believe me, bawas na tong pagkacorny and emo ko ngayon). But then again, maybe that kid in me have to die to give way to a more realistic eye to the world and a more mature set of beliefs. One where I should be more cautious in everything I say (thank you to the Squealers who told my parents I’ve been cursing on facebook.) One where I should weigh all options before choosing one. And if I land on a decision, I have to be firm by it no matter what. I guess I have to let go of some standards I’ve set for myself cause they blind me for a probable better something or someone I am yet to see. And I hope it’s not too late. Maybe, one way or another, we really need to have something to die in us so that other ways could live. Maybe they’ve served enough in our system for a certain time, now that we times have changed, we have to change some of the ways, or sometimes totally replacing them. Not that we don’t like them anymore, it’s just that we have to move on. Not that we’re throwing the old away, but we have to make way for Change. We have to. Either that, or we crumble. Evolve or expire. Step up, or make the same mistakes all over again. Most of the time, people choose the latter. But life is just so great that they still give us chances to be better. That even though we make lame decisions in the past, one way or another, we are given chances for redemption. And if we fail again, we’re given chances to succeed again.
Damn it, I talk like an old man. And my blogs are becoming pointless. Sigh.
One thing that I will try my best not to change – is my passion for writing. Even though nangangalawang na.
At least I tried. :D
