Surgery

i asked my dad if i could scrub in on one of his operations. last friday, he pulled me in the OR for a craniotomy.

wow, craniotomy.

so i wore the green scrubsuit, and slippers, and cap, and mask... and entered the first live OR Surgery i've ever seen in my life.

and there it was. the OR. the Holy Grail. that streile room that smells like.. well, duh, a hospital. i saw the Surgeon, the Anesthesiologist, the Interns, the Nurses. There was one hot nurse by that way. i can see it through her mask. haha.

I was like a wide eyed kid on a candy store. I've seen the stuff i saw only on TV before. that scene in Grey's Anatomy where a machine is breathing for the patient. And the patient, was lying... unaware that we are literally looking inside his brain.

I saw my dad's gadgets. A screen where stats were displayed - PO2, Systolic, Diastolic, HR, chorva chorva.. haha.. And on the side of the room was the CT scan showing the bleeding Thalamus, and overflowing on the lateral ventricles.

Wow. This must be it. my soon-to-be sanctuary. Then i noticed something, on the table near the bathroom, there was an iPod attached to a pair of speakers, and playing music. my dad said, "it's always like that so that we won't get that bored." haha..

"nasan na yung anak ni Dr Edejer na med student?" asked the Surgeon.

and they all looked at me. and i was looking at the hot nurse.

The surgeon called me to step in closer beside her and explained her procedure, "You're one lucky kid. I've never seen a real surgery till i was a resident. And now you're looking at the Lateral ventricles with overflowing blood on it. We're actually not preventing the blood here, but we're preventing the CSF. pag yan nag obstruct, baka magkahydrocephalus pa yung patient. Like what you studied in Neuroanatomy, the brain just makes and makes CSF - nonstop. Oh, anong foramen lumalabas ang CSF pag galing sa lateral ventricles pababa?" she asked

They all looked at me even the hot nurse. and i said, "Foramen of Monroe?" (kunwari nanghula para pahumble effect kuno"

"naaaks" sabi ng Surgeon "tama. galing ah"

sa loob loob ko: ("oo naman, haha, nagremedials ako jan")

I was laughing inside. and then, i thought... in a way, i was like that patient lying in front of me. He generates a lot of CS that an outlet has to be put for it not to do further damage. Like me, i have a lot of thoughts. tons of them. i think too much. too much regrets, heartaches, pity, couldve beens, what will bees, what to do. i converse myself too much. and oh god. i converse with myself in english. shet. haha. and i need an outlet. i need to put a hole in my thoughts where it can flow, and so that it couldnt rot. i dont want a hydrocephalus.

maybe that's why i write. i write these thoughts so that it could flow out of my head, and at the same time, i immortalize those thoughts. put them in a place so that when i read it, where i could laugh with me again, and cry with me again... like Jestha and Kit, writing is my Art. my way of immortalizing myself. and this is one of the ways God speaks to other people through my hands. and thoughts. i hope.

As the surgeon closes the hole she made on the patient's head, i thought, we were inside his Brain a while ago, while me, I expose a big part of my brainthrough my blogs. mostly theyre products of my Limbic system on that Papez Circuit, some just random thoughts that needed just to be flushed out on a blank screen.

Surgeries are like Journals. cut, open, put out something, and stitch back.
Surgeries are like heartaches, painful, but in the end, it's (hopefully) for the good.
Surgeries are like Love. It hurts. It heals. It's Complicated. It's an art. It's risky.

Surgeries are like me. hardcore. unpredictable. takes a while to understand. scary. cool. (walang kokontra).

and Surgery is like God. surgery is like Life. It has a purpose why you're doing it. It hurts a part of you, but it makes you strong. It makes you last longer. It makes you live... or maybe die. But still, it has it's reasons why.