Summer’s over. I got my new sched, lost my phone, lost my ID, we’re moving into a new house, my siblings got back from the states, days 58 is finally over, rain is getting more frequent, and I’m back here in front of the PC finally having the time to write a blog – changes. The transition: Summer is ending.
Each summer gives me lots of time to think about how my life has gone so far. Every year, I tell myself that I’ve grown. Every year, I realize that I have changed, and in a subtle way, matured.
This is the year I’ve been coming so back and forth and back and forth to Candelaria, Zambales. 300+ kilometers of stress, darkness (we prefer to travel at night), and sleepiness. Before, it seems like a big burden for me to be dragged along to that place. Ever since I was born, it was still the same beach, same people, same island, same shit. Before, I’d prefer to stay home and be with my friends than travel hundreds of miles just to see that the beach house had been repainted.
But this year, I am required to go there. As many times as possible for our super THESIS.
I wasn’t sure if our beach house was presentable enough, or if the beach in Potipot Island is white enough for them. That had always been my dilemma with friends that had always planned and always failed to go there and have an outing. This time, no matter what happens, they will go there, and I have assumed that they will enjoy less because we have to work.
A week before the first visit, I went with my parents to check the place.
I sat down the warm beach, put on my mp3, and watched the sunset.
It was one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen. The sky was perfect orange, the wind was crisp and moist, and the sand was warm and wet. I was on the shore of the beach, my feet slightly touching the water, and I felt the wind embrace me. Then I was again reminded by the power of the sea, of the sunset, of the power of God…
My father told me that it was sunset when I was born. Perhaps that explains why I always had obsession with sunsets. It’s damn beautiful how the sun’s rays say goodbye to the creatures it had shown light upon the whole day, leaving them the promise that he will return tomorrow. For a brighter future, for a brighter light. You wouldn’t appreciate light if all you see around you is light. You have to hide it first and let it cripple in the darkness. Till then you’ll see it glowing and shining in all its magnificence among the dark. That is when you realize how much you need light.
I was standing as the sun was changing its form. From a ball of fire, to a hot air balloon, to a top, then a mosque, then an inverted bowl, till it becomes a tiny flicker of light, then disappears. The wind was calm, the clouds have bid goodbye too, sea birds flew, the sky became clear, and the stars started to assemble.
That moment, I didn’t need to hear a direct word coming from God that he is watching me, and he is always with me. He made me feel that day that I’ll never be alone. That I never have to seclude myself again. That I never have to pity myself again. That I never have to meet expectations… of my friends, of my family, of my self.
One by one, the stars fell as I drank the last drops of Chivas Regal. I was lying there, with my pillow, my phone, my mp3, and a bottle of wine. It was perfect.
A week after, my thesismates went with me to Zambales to start our thesis. The ‘i-wish-this-is-presentable-enough” thing was not an issue for me anymore. Aside from them being my thesis mates, they’re also my friends. Really close ones. We have always enjoyed each other’s company no matter what the place is. I know everything’s presentable enough for them.
And yes, we did had fun. We fucking did. Dad surprised me with the Jetski and ATV. We had fun working. Like what my Dad said, “Work with pleasure.” We did a “friendship to the highest level” drink. (like what Boom said, same people, same drink <emperador>, just a better location). And stargazing. We had talks about parallel universe, our block, our wishes, the falling stars we all saw. Wow. That was the closest I’ve ever been to a friend. And I know those moments will happen again – in our future thesis trips.
For the first time in my life, I attended summer classes. I’ve already brainwashed myself that Summer Classes will be all good. So I guess the brainwashing worked. I happily went to class, met new friends, had money on summer, and had a very lazy professor. Histology is the hardest subject ever for me. It did not challenge just my study habits, but also my morals, my loyalty to my parents, to my promise, to my curse, and… I need not to elaborate.
Every weekend for the whole summer (Except for two) I went back and fort to Zambales. Before, it was a burden for me to be dragged to our place just to come back home not more than 48 hours later. But now, I happily drive my way there every weekend just to see my sunset. Because I know it’s always gonna be worth my 5 hour drive.
This is my last summer as a college student. Next year I’ll be entering med school. This is my last summer a teenager.
I hope this year I did well. Well as what a teenager should be, as what a lover should be, and as what a student should be (ok, fuck histo), and I hope I did well as what a young man should be.
This season, I guess I have already accomplished what I unconsciously do every year: to self assess, to reflect, to live, and relive… to be born again. Now, I can say I am ready to face fourth year bio.
So, so long, sweet summer. No more 5AM sleeping times, no more all day slacking off, movie marathons, text till you drop, spend all you want. I’m sure the Zambales trips will be a lot less now that I always have classes. So long to the hot sun that I wouldn’t dare challenge. To the beads I’ve worn to make me feel the spirit. Goodbye to Sunsilk’s Summer Fresh shampoo.
I was never good at goodbyes.
I’m never good at letting go.
But I have to.
In less than a hundred hours, I’m back to Bio.
Well, Goodbye Summer. So long, Sweet Summer.
I know you will be back again next year.
Just as the sun’s promise that he will be back again tomorrow.
In the mean time, I’ll stay up and awake and reach for the stars and catch them as they fall.
To Shan, Shen, and Pia: I know you’re not reading my blogs, but in case you do, I just want to tell you how much a big thing for me if you join us with mum and dad to Zambales once in a while. You may not appreciate how beautiful our place is right now, but I hope you will someday. I’ve been through that stage. I hope time will come that we will all watch the sunset together and feel what I always feel everytime I watch the sunset: Gratitude.
To Mum and Dad: It might have taken a long while for me to realize how great both of you are. Perhaps I got fed up with what people always tell me: that you’re great, kind, generous, loving and all. Yet I’m so glad that I haven’t seen your greatness in their eyes. I’m glad I saw it using my own eyes. If I could be half the person you are right now, I know I’d be a great person.
To my Thesis group mates: Greg, Corie, Xtine, and Boom: You may not have noticed it but you taught me how to appreciate things around me that I used to take for granted. I had always been an individual worker. But being you guys as group mates made me realize how cool it is to have people working by your side.
To my relatives: It may not be obvious to you but I love you guys so much. I just do not show it. I know you have that negative impression on me since we were kids but I understand why. It’s my fault. I know that in time, the wounds would heal and hopefully we’re not old enough to start again.
To my High school Friends esp. JC: I really missed you company. You might have already guessed that I’ve been very busy these past few, but you guys are still precious for me for you guys are the ones who taught me how to be myself and that no matter what happens you’ll always be there waiting for me to tell my story.
To my block mates: here we go, 4th year. Kapit kamay nalang tayo, kaya natin to. J
To Karl: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”
To God: I know you’ll always be with me. Always. All ways.
