Alak

gusto ko ng Alak.

party anyone?

(hindi ako depressed. namimiss ko lang ang alcohol-rush)

falling from a high place

July 22 is a great day for me.

8.am              I didnt fail the micro exam (refer to last blogpost),
10.00 am       Had lunch at Mang Toots,
12.30 am       had a little fun with my new subsecmates (C5)(Papa Bear Pangan?! haha)
2.00 pm         konting pictorial sa daga then sa subsec
6.00 pm         the ireg parteh,
8.00 pm         lacson unleashed his Thomasian Spirit, Kiko's Heart talk,
9.00 pm         drove to PhilCoa for Janna's mini birthday party
12.00am        with my Highschool friends

and then... by 2.00am, when i was about to go home...

the car wont start.

i tried again.

the alarm sounded.

i panicked. "oh shit. baka magising ang mga kapitbahay ni Kokok at pagkalaman akong magnanakaw ng sarili kong koche!"

nagpanick talaga ako. tarantang itik. at nagfflash forward nako sa mga echo ng boses nila daddy at mommy na nagagalit. "tinakas mo nanaman ang koche?! hindi ka na nag-aaral! puro ka nalang pasarap... ablablablabla"

the alarm stopped. at sinusian ko uli.. and

shit. nag-alarm ulit. i realized i was just using the duplicate set of keys, so hinatid ako ni JC Alberto sa bahay para kunin yung isa pang set ng susi. yung original na.

good thing my brother, Shan, was still awake, so she got the key's from my mom's bag and went back with me at Kokok's, hoping that the original key would tame the alarm down.

but it didnt.

it fucking didnt. panic na talaga. so i had no choice but to call my mom. (last resort na talaga si Daddy kasi baka may inooperahan, or natutulog.) And my mum went so mad. as expected.

naghanap kami ng mekanino nearby, and thank God and the god of Mitsubishi may bukas pang talyer dun. kinalas nila ang beterya, kinabit ulit. tanggal na ang alarm. then they said, "Boss, kakadjutin natin to" (translation for the konyo people: "Hey handsome, we will make tulak-tulak your car ha?")

first try. second try. umandar. and it died again. im such a loser. or the car is the loser.

si manong nalang ang kumadjot ng koche, and the car suddenly went back to life, at least for the next 30 minutes.

Shan and I did the scariest UST to Frisco trip of our lives. I kept on kicking and kicking the gas, and kung stop sa stoplight, i still kept on kicking gas while on neutral. we were so damn scared. not because it was late at night. not because a truck might crush the car. but because the car may die again, and it will only be Shan who will be pushing the car. hindi ko kapatid si Superman.

After a 30 minute drive at second gear... we arrived the gates of 35 Osmena St, SFDM QC, in one piece. inscathed. and still scared.

and then. just when the car was parked on his happy place sa garage...

and the engine spontaneously died.

the car wont start again... walang magagamit na koche si Mama. i didnt know what to do. and ayun na nga. napagalitan. napagalitan. napagalitan. nadamay ang Physio. nadamay ang schedule ko. nadamay ang mga party na pinuntahan ko last year. nadamay ang kuyente. and gasolina. pati si manang nadamay, ibang kwento na yun. and Dad is mad too, gising na siya, tumawag from Olongapo. Buti nalang hindi na inabot ang telepono sakin kundi na-double dead ako ngayon.

and now.... just before i sleep, i though: i was so damn happy the whole day. and it ended the way it doesnt deserve to end...



when i fall, i want to fall from a high place.




and i just did. and i'm sleepy. i hope magstart naman yung koche para kay mommy bukas. konting himala, Lord. himala. magtira naman sana kahit konting swerte ko nung tuesday.

A sign?

Hindi ako nabigyan ni Ma'am Monet ng Handouts today.
Pero sabi ko, ok lang, kasi meron naman ako nung dati. So aral lang.

Nung micro na ang aaralin ko...

narealize kong nawawala ang Jawetz ko. Shit. Sana pakalat-kalat lang siya sa bahay.Sana.
tapos, naghanap nalang ako ng compressed lecture notes sa Drive D.

at narealize ko, andun pala siya kasama ng namatay kong hard disk. double shit.

so, nagdownload ako ng notes sa 4shared ng bmd yahoogroups.

tapos... nung ipprint ko na... walang black ink ang printer. triple shit.

pero gumawa pa rin ako ng paraan, ginawa kong red, green, blue, orange, at purple ang text ng handouts. sa awa ng diyos, nagprint naman.

pero... nung babasahin ko na... nawawala naman ang mga higlighters ko. lalo na yung yellow na faber castell. favorite kong higlighter yun. quadruple shit!

pero, sige lang. ok lang na walang highlighter. so, nung nagbabasa na ako dito sa kwarto ni mommy para aircon, (kanina lang yun, 1:00AM), sabi ni Mommy, "Karl, patayin mo na nga ang ilaw. magtipid na tayo ng kuryente!" quintuple shit!


Lord, ayaw niyo ba akong mag-aral?

matutulog na lang ako!

probability

what are the chances that she's online when i am?
or that she's at trinoma, walking home and bumping on me?
what are the chances of me driving around her school, and seeing her?
is there a slight chance that we'll be eating on the same place?

what are the chances that she won't notice me, so that she could run away?
the chances of me looking at her eyes, and she, looking at me?
what are the chances of she going to the same place, same concert, same party, same gig, same game, same mall, same province, same event as where i'll be going?

maybe the probability of me looking at stars, and she too, looking at one is bigger. perhaps it's the fact that we are under just one big sky. under one bright moon. under one a lot brighter sun.

but amidst all those randomness, and serendipitous probabilities,

there's always one constant probability, or let me say, one constant ground...
that we,
are stepping on
one
big
big
world.
one world where perhaps, we'll never, ever meet again.


i think it's a bigger chance of me dreaming of you.
that's why i always sleep.



...

bull.shit.

love can make you soo stupid. haha.

morning sickness?

i dont know how my mind blasts in the morning. especially when it starts with the ring of an alarm clock. it somehow puts a stressed mood on me. it reminds me of school. of pressure. of exams.

i have said sooo many times that im not a morning person. don't talk to me when i just woke up, baka masungitan ko lang kayo. or malabo lang marereply ko. or, i dunno. there's something in the morning sun maybe. i must feel the hope of the new day, or the promise of the new beginning, but no. if feel the dizziness of yesterday. the cloudiness of my hormones. i don't know why. i just get myself going when it's past 10 or when i had my coffee or when i take a bath.

waking up is the hardest everyday thing i have to do everyday. after that, then, i'm off to face the world. oh yeah. tsss.

i feel sleepy... again.

random, random, random crap

before school ended, i told myself imma write a lot about... well, a lot.

but now, i can't work out my words. hmm. even alcohol can't unlock it. hmmhmm.

it's my third day of being home alone in the house. and im getting used to the ghosts here. and god, meron pala talaga. specially sa sala. but heck. i don't care na din. b*tch ghost.

itong mga panahong to, masarap magdala ng friends at sa bahay. pero. nagsiuwian sila. yesterday, alex, burn, and el was here, but they left after they got drunk.. and they just texted... theyll be back later. for more. oh yeah.

hmmm. boredom.

they say boredom is a sign of the lack of wisdom. i dont where i heard that, but i think it's wrong. somehow, in between watching DVDs here, and TV, and our MTV, i feel there's a big Void inside of me. Right in the Middle Mediastinum, around the Pericardium. The Void of the Heart.

damn it. heart talks. i'll rather sleep again nalang. damn.

time machine

if there is one fictional event life that movies can do to my life, i'd wish it's the magic of travelling through time. most people, especially med students would press the fast forward button. but me, i'd press the rewind...

i am just so full of regrets right now. mistakes. irreversible mistakes that got me into trouble, heartaches, and (a lot) of screwed up numbers. if there is a save point in life, where you can just press Reset and be back to a safe point, i want to be back there.

back to where life was fucking simple.

back to point when i still believe.

circadian rythmn

you don't sleep. you live. you fight to keep yourself awake.
you disturb your cerebellum and limbic system and all the sulci and gyri.
you think of strategies and face the battle with the best testmanship.

you die.

then you have to revive yourself.

to die again tomorrow.

if ever there is one for you.


life.


nobody dies a virgin.
life fucks us all.

wtf? KOKEY?

what the fuck. i saw this on the ABS CBN website. totoo ba to? shit.

tangina andami palang nagmamahal sa kokay na to? ano bang nakakatuwa dito? nakakainis kaya sila tignan.

comments ng mga Viewers sa Internet:

Aww..how sad naman if Kokey is until Nov 9 lang..if ever.

Weird, because when this show Kokey first came out in the commercials..I was like..'Oh, another show for the little kids'.  At first, it really didn't interest me at all since it was more for the younger viewers. Til I began to follow the show and it's story. That's when I began to fall in love watching Kokey and I just think he's so cute and adorable. Medyo sad nga ngayon ang story because he got captured and chained (by the character of Ryan Eigenmann)..same goes for his mom..na captured din by those scientists. Ay, wonder what'll happen? When I see Kokey parang gusto ko syang i-pinch sa cheeks.. na parang bata.. hehe. Sana nga ma-extend ang Kokey..hopefully to a much extended date aside from the Nov 9 that's posted here..Go Kokey..Go!! :)

sabihin na nating binayaran ang hunyangong to [kasama ng andami dami pang taong pinupuri si kokeysa forum na yun], pero grabe naman, naglolokohan lang ba tayo o madami ba talagang nagmamahal sa pangit na yun?

shit. pero, ewan ko nalang kung binayaran na rin ng channel 2 and Manila Bulletin para isulat ito, sa bagay, walang impossible sa channel 2:

"Kokey" bows out victoriously

Too bad that director Wenn Deramas’ well-loved fantasy series on ABS-CBN, "Kokey," had to end last Friday even as more viewers have come to love the TV character. In fact, when "Kokey" aired its finale, it registered an impressive 28.6 percent rating, based on AGB Nielsen Philippines survey.

There were a number of "Kokey" young viewers who cried when the series ended last Friday. It was supposed to run for only nine weeks, but was extended thrice due to favorable ratings and feedback from primetime viewers.

http://www.mb.com.ph/ENTR20071117108841.html

what the fuck. cmon philippines, wake up.

Random thoughts... Med Life = napakalayo sa Grey's Anatomy

    "tell me your blue skies fade to gray. tell me your passion's gone away"

its 11.47PM and I just woke up and just about to start my Night of Reviewing Psychiatry. and right now as i'm typing this, i'm downloading the powerpoint lectures... and considering my grades in Psych... probably i wont sleep tonight...again.

i've been talking to myself a lot these past few days. asking myself what's happening to me cause it seems like im falling apart. i never spoke to anyone about this. which is something new cause my friends know me to be very vocal about everything...

i just failed three quizzes in one day. i failed the Neuroanatomy exam. god. that very easy Neuroanatomy practical exams. ang daya daya talaga. madali lang talaga yung test... malas lang talaga ako. nakakapanghinayang talaga. and the thing is, you have to move on as quickly as possible for you to be conditioned for the next exam... and the cycle goes on tomorrow, and the next week, and the next week....

so this is the career i signed up for...

and, god, it's far from what you guys see in Grey's Anatomy. very very far.


walang Hot chicks like Izzie,
wala yung lovelife na kung sino sino ang hot peeps and involved.. pero meron kang subsec na makakasama mo for the next 4 years... hanggang clerkship pare!
wala yung weird na cases every episode, pero perong mga weird exams every day
, sa Grey's, nakakadalaw pa sila sa Bar halos every night, hindi nagpapaxerox ng handouts, masarap pa ang tulog nila, eyebag-free ang mga mata nila...

Malayo ang mga buhay namin kila Alex Karev, George O'Malley, Meredith Grey, at ang buong cast. nageenglish sila. parang may time sila para sa lahat. at may time pa silang maglasing lasing at makapag-ayos para sa next episode. TV is so overrated. hahahahahha.

 aral na nga. :P

it starts again tomorrow.

med week is over. and tomorrow we'll be back to the usual routine... 4 hours of Physio, break, 4 hours of Biochem. go home, study. sleep 3 hours. wake up. 5 hours anatomy, 3 hours histology...

it never ends. haha.

Pagbabayaran namin lahat ng kaligayahang naranasan namin last weeki kasi pinagpatong-patong nanaman ng mga butihin nating mga propesor/doktor/facilitator/AMO/DIYOS ang mga examssss. wala nanamang tulog. pero, tae, ndi pa ba kami sanay?

Monday:
Physio: pre lebcon quiz,
post lab con quiz.
Biochem: Labcon
at ndi pa sure na SGD

Tuesday:
Anatomy Mini Practicals?
Due Histology Coloring Book.
Don't know if there's a post test again on Histo.

Wednesday:
Physio Protocol quiz,
Biochem Test (Metabolic Integration + Others),
and SGD?

Thursday:
8AM: Anatomy Practicals,
1PM: Neuroanatomy Practicals,
4PM: Anatomy Long Exam (Abdomen, Ant GI, Pos GI, etc)

Friday:  
Psychiatry Shifting Exams!
Psychiatry Quiz Right After

Coming Up Next Next  Week:
SHIFTING EXAMS!

may nalimutan pa ba ako?

ewangko nalang kung eepal pa ang Epidemiology dito ah?!?

o ano? exam pa! tangina!!!!! SECTION B SPELLING!?!

pero eto nga... pag nabasa man to ng mga Higher Years, matatawa sila sa Sinasabi ko. matatawa sila dahil MADALI PA DAW TO. sorry naman. madali pa?!? WALA KAYONG EPID LASY YEAR! AT PWEDE KAYONG MAG SAMPLEX LAST YEAR! hahah *peace!*

pero lamo, 10-12 years after this, my Grades in Biochem, Anatomy, Physiology, Psychiatry won't matter anymore. All that matters is how I deal with my patients, how many Lives I saved and will save. How many lives I touched, and Changed. That time, my patients won't ask me,, "Dok, ano bang grade mo nung Biochem?" or, "Dok, Sino bang facilitator mo sa Histology?"... it wont fucking matter anymore. (Or else saksaksakin ko sila ng Scalpel.. joke. hahaha)

My dad showed me that it's not the grades that will tell you what kind of doctor you are going to be, its how you deal with your patients. If you treat them as subjects with an interesting case or as a father who wants to be back at home with his whole family for Xmas. It's how you make them smile for cutting 50% of your PF. It's on how passionate you are on what you do... that you do it with a smile, and with a light heart, thinking that you are the Hands of God and He uses you as an instrument to lay out his plans. It's not on what school you are from, and not on how high or low your NMAT grade is...

Vicky Belo failed biochem at UST med before. But she's successful pa rin naman. (woops, that's not an excuse to fail Biochem hahaah)

in 10 years, our grades wont matter anymore...

but in the mean time, i still have to pass all these subjects... yun yun eh. haha. hay. med. :P

biochem

crap. 99Pages,

60 item-Test.

Layga's Lecture: 52 pages
Tiongson's Lecture: 28 pages
Macaranas': 7 pages
Blas: 12  pages

as of 10:38PM:
32 Pages Down,
67Pages to go

This is crap. Sino bang nakaisip na pagsamahin ang Amino Aciod metab at yung iba pang 3 lectures sa iisang lintek na quiz?! Sana man langisang quiz lang yung amino acid dahil yun yung mahirap diba?

owel. demn.

by the time id be reading this again tomorrow... tapos na ang Biochem test. masaya na. tangina. masayang masaya na. wala nang susunod na test at sa SUNDAY ay BIRTHDAY KO NA! YEHEEEEEEY!

21st Bday ko na...

hay. o, aral na ulit.