"i'm dead?"

he woke up. he realized he was detached from all the earthly realities. from the traffic. the exams. the naggers. the debts.

it was dark. gloomy... and sad.

"i'm dead?" he asked.

no one replied. all he heard was an echo of his own voice.

and then, he realized,  he could fly.

so, he flew as fast as he can until the wind triggered his glands to jerk some tears.

and he saw a light. and came upon it. and then, he saw Him.

"uhmm, Im dead?", he asked

"Yes, son, you didn't wake up today. Like Rico Yan, dude"

"But, I don't want it yet"

"I'm afraid half your conscience wished for it. And sometimes you wished you'd never wake up again. So here it is." God said.

"Damn. so, where am I? is this heaven?"

"not yet. before going there, we still have something to talk about"

"what is it?"

"follow me"

then God walked through what looked like an iMax theatre, playing a life on the 8-storey high screen. the life seemed so real. he can even touch it, and feel it, and smell it. and he doesnt have to wear the 3D glasses like what they do in SM.

the scenes were familiar. it was on first person point of view. there was a FLASH

and a baby was crying. for the first time receiving  tiny photons of light in his tiny little eyes. gooey placental fluid on his limbs. and the smiling faces of his tita, then his dad... hours later, her mom awake. and he heard them say, "he's soo worth it" then FLASH

a 4year old boy was holding a basketball playing with his younger 3 year-old brother. he banged the ball to his glasses. and his brother cried. and he hugged him. and they played again together and then, FLASH

he was at the hospital. waiting in the room with this two brothers and a lot of relatives. and his auntie came inside the room. "it's a girl", she said, "finally. and we'll name her, Pia"... and everybody was happy, finally, a girl. then FLASH

he was going to school. they were using the ambulance to bring him to school. he asked his dad to drop him where nobody could see him. "why son? are you ashamed of an ambulance bringing you to school? are you ashamed of me?".. and he said, "Yes." then FLASH

he cornered her on a dimly lit part of the school. it was lunch break. they hid beside the dark hallway of the second floor. and then they kissed. it was his first kiss. then FLASH

he was playing in the basketball championships. then FLASH he was playing another one a year later. he both lost to it... then FLASH

together with 190+ students, they were singing their graduation song.. then FLASH he entered college, then FLASH he was dissecting a frog then FLASH he passed BioLab then FLASH

sitting at Alpadi Antipolo, hearing the songs of his life, reading his life-long letters and some love letters. he just made a commitment that changed his life. and he breathed in all the gratitude, the blessings, the life that surrounded him... and then FLASH

the two of them were on the beach... under the starry sky, and the pink clouds, the bright moon, the cold breeze of wind, and the pounding of the waves, they kissed. and a forever later... FLASH

he was defending their thesis FLASH he graduated FLASH he entered medschool FLASH the Friday Nights at DWTL, the two chairs, one candle, one blindfold, one cross and one shout.. and FLASH

and God paused it. "Quite a life you got there, Kid"

"Wow. Never thought i've been through all that"

"And you served your purpose well."

"I guess so. I've had a lot of friends. a lot of people. a lot of lives i met. 'we are all part of eveyone we meet', that's what my highschool teacher told me"

"I told her to tell you." and God paused, and went back,"So here's what will I say to you, Son" he said, in a slightly loudened voice.

and the iMax theatre vanished. out came all the angels of the Heavens, and all the departed souls gathered around, smiling on Him, his departed relatives nearest to him, there came the clear blue sky, and the pure white clouds, and the Golden gate of Heaven.

He was Home with God. He was One with God. and God said...

"My dear, beloved, son. Would you like to continue your life on Earth? or would you like to come Home with Me?"

he looked around. and thought. and thought for a while, the whole congregation of Heaven waiting for him, and he said...

"It's a good life, Lord. and thank you for giving me a great life...

...but still, there's still a lot for me to be. I am still going to be a doctor...
i want to save lives, make people happy, cure them, inspire them,
i want to feel the warmth of the blood that will save anothers',
i want to hold a freshly born baby out of the mother's womb. full of joy, full of gratitude, full of life
i want to feel the priceles Thank Yous like what my Dad always receives. The respect, the dignity, and the name he put a mark on the hearts of many.
i still have to pass Biochem, Neuro and all the other subjects life has to offer.
i want to cheer my Subsec every event we have.
i want to share my stories to my Higschool friends, and treat them if time will come.
i want to see my siblings and cousins graduate, and see our lives to success
i still want to watch the sunsets at Zambales
and i want to Love my family more, cause i've always been proud of them.

and i want to Love. to Love till it hurts. to Love till it hurts more. and to Love till it hurts no more

i am still to find the Girl with the Same Hearbeat as Mine. the same S1 and S2 sound of course without S3 and S4, loudest at the 5th Left intercostal space.

i am still to discover the great potential this 140+ IQ can do.
I am still to discover Who I Really Am.

and when I'm done with all of that, then I know you'll be prouder"

God smiled. And gave him a hug. "Very well, son. I'll send you back. Don't worry, I'll never leave you, i cannot leave you, i will always send you angels... Basta Ikaw"

then the whole of Heaven's entourage were cheering on him. Clapping their hands, smiling at him... and the angels surrounded him, so did his departed relatives. and all he felt was nothing but pure Joy, Truth, and Love. and a deep warm feeling of gratitude...

and then it was January 3, 7 AM,
he was late for his NeuroAnatomy Lecture...

and Karl Erjon Edejer woke up with a start.

...these i give.

in this holy ground,
we're standing on holy ground
for the Lord is here
and where He is, is holy


I don't always understand
what your perfect will demand
but i learned to trust you more
in your prescence, Lord


look at all my trials and tribulations
sinking in a gentle pool of wine
don't disturb me now,
i can see the answers
till this morning
is this evening,
life is fine


and when the times get tough
and the world simply falls apart
i'll come back to you.


+BIL

the emo

i read my old, old journals 4 years ago... haha. damn they were soo good. hahaha.

so, imma go back to my old Tabulas site (since my multiply is viewed by sooo many of my Relatives, ahmm? hehe.)

im gonna transfer my blogs to my old blog, Tabulas.

i wanna be back to anonymous blogging again. me blogging. and perfect stangers reading it, and appreciating it. and those strangers become my friends... and "friends" hahaha .. so, well, goodbye Multiply Blog. I'll still post some of my fave blogs here but not as often as before. owel. :)

im saying 'i love you again,' are you listening?

im sayin i love you again, are you listening?

the last song syndrome. for the past 2 days.

i cant sleep. the sun is starting to shine, or it's just my illusion of the dimly lit garage on my left lateral peripheral side.

just 5 minutes ago i've heard soft whispers beside my room. scary. there ARE ghosts in this house, everybody says. but then when i checked, i realized... Shen and his friends are still awake. Sneaked in a bottle of  GSM Blue and Island Lime. That explains the eerie sounds. No Ghosts. That's Good.

"im saying i love you again" - the freakin song's still playing on my head...

speaking of... looking back to my "past" ahhmm life so far (you know what i mean, i guess).. well, one is a Flight Attendant and just gave birth, one is working as a Call Center Agent (which she said to me once that she'll never be doing that- ever), one just passed the Nursing Board Exams, one just passed the Med Tech exams, and the rest I haven't heard of. and, Oh, i remember, one had an abortion 4 years ago. demn. haha.

in the words of Coelho, (not the exact ones perhaps), "I tried to find the common denominator among all the girl's i've been with. And i realize that there is only one thing they all have in common: Me." [edit - when i re-read this part, i didnt get the point why put this one. haha.. /edit]

all at a certain point in time, our hands clasped each other, and for some, i sometimes regret that I did. For some I'd love to repeat the story over and over again. And some, were just... there. One by one they tried to teach me something. All of them got a hand on me growing up. All of them put a specific something on me that made me remember them in their own special way. It's like a mark in myself that said, "Mitch was here", "Gail was here", "Genna was here", blablabla.
A collage of cute vandalisms.
Some lessons they taught and the other taught and the other taught were redundant. Simply because I didn't learn.
Some lessons I thought were trivial. Till I realized it'd come handy along the way.
Some were hardcore. Not Sexy-hardcore. But life-hardcore.
Some you have to learn the hard way.

As the old saying goes, "We area all part of everyone we meet" I have parts of them in me. And perhaps I've left a part of me in them. If only they'll get to see me now, maybe they'd be proud. Maybe.

 Memories. They're all you got. That's all that's left.
another product of my too-much-thinking-during-school-breaks-syndrome

The LSS is still playing. Perhaps some alcohol could take it away..

"im saying i love you again, are you listening?"

i don't know when the next time will be.
i don't know if i'm sane enough to enter another commitment.
but i'm sure there will be a next time. i gotta be sure.
cause no matter how many girls have carved their own souvenirs on me, there will always be room for more.
there will always be room for improvement.
for growth.
for more memories,
for lessons,
there will always be room for love.

and for us.
whoever that you in me will be.

someday someone's gonna own this Fatty Cardiomegalic Heart again. maybe not now. or maybe not soon. maybe i'll put in a promo, "Heart for Sale, plus Free Fatty Liver", but im not that desperate... yet...

maybe... just maybe, someone's having a same LSS as i am having at this moment, and decided to open up their Multiply account and happen to read this blog.

which is very, very unlikely.

haha

---
the Sun is up. and it's real this time.

time to sleep. again. ;)

too much thinking

i said i would do a lot when this break comes.

im sleeping 12 hours each day. im like a Polar Bear, waiting for my turn to use the PC, and when my Brothers or Sister bugs me that it's their time to use the PC, i unviolently sit on the sofa, and then.. without noticing it, im asleep again. demn.

so, whenever im not sleeping, and not using the PC, im just... thinking.... and thinking... and thinking too much...

about this life... the family, the subsec,the big-egoed self, and the grades. napanaginipan ko pa nga si Ma'am Co-Huy eh...sobrang kakaisip.

and i'm always not myself when i wake up. lagi akong ganun, ampangit ng feeling. i dont know what's wrong with my hormones na kung umaga, ampangit ng pakiramdam ko. eh yung 12 hours na to ay hindi straight, tig 4 hours ito. so, nafifeel ko yung pangit na feeling na yun three times a day.

i dont know what else to do. i need someone to talk to.

crap. another worthless blog. haha.

high school reunion

Reunion with Semi-Creme / Reverence / Mercy Peeps,

mula gabi hanggang umaga... masaya naming pinag-usapan ang BASKETBALL.

hahaha. that was soooo fun Reminiscing the missed shots, the Championships, the Fights we had with other Sections.. and we realized, WE DIDNT EVEN WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIPS! WAHAHA! But we had the most fun.. especially Me and Marco who tasted the championship finals TWICE consecutively for Reverence and Wisdom.

wow. i missed being a highschool student. I missed being young and not thinking about anything but basketball, your girlfriend, and Playstation. hahaha.

i missed my highschool friends. tambay sa Lourdes Carinderia, Makipag-away sa ibang sections dahil sa mga walang kwentang bagay, umupo sa corridors at paguusapan kung sino sino (si L1 at L2, at L3, and K1-K6 wahahaha), tumambay pa din, maglaro sa basketball kung saan saan at kung kani kaninong mga bahay, umuwi sa bahay at idadahilan mo lang ay "project",

haaay. haaayskul. owel. we'll meet again. :D

everybody's partying and we're all studying

It's Paskuhan night tonight. and I am studying neuro Ana, just finished and Failed another Biochem Exam (kelan ba ako aasenso sa Biochem?), and two tests in Physiology...

It's the season when the air smells like Honey Glazed Ham, where the departments have Xmas Parties, and me getting drunk every night.

Change. One thing I have to deal with this year. and a lot of them did change.

sometimes i find myself desperately catching up, and self pitying because of all the major C R A P that's been happening. I clinged so much to my past lifestyle and what do i get in return? bad grades.

sometimes i wish this would all just disappear. the pressure. the pain. the depression... but nothing worthwhile comes easy.

and because of that, i appreciated parties more.
i appreciated weekends more.
and i appreciated coffee a lot more.

maybe that's the way with life... it never stops. once you get into a plateau of hapiness and contenment that everything is doing fine with your life, life gives you more... life shakes you, so that you give life more of what you're made of.. of what you're really made of. and you'll end up a better person right after.

so right now, I guess the Era of Paskuhan is over for me. Though i did stay and watched the fireworks and got the free food and showed our Newbies how Paskuhan is spent at UST, and then, one Jeepney ride later, here i am... Uploading the USB full of the BRAIN, the Cerebellum, the Cerebrum and all.

Life has to move on.

Everybody's Partying, and We're all Studying Neuroana.