stethoscope

monday afternoon.

i cant sleep. i wanted to sleep. i was lying in the couch and thinking of resetting my mind for all the sense and nonsense that happened today. i was pulling myself too much into sleep, but i can't sleep.

tony said the half life for coffee is 3-4 hours. but it's been 12 hours since my last coffee. 12 hours. i closed my eyes for the Nth time, and still, no help. and then i opened my eyes again, and saw something...

on top of the glass table beside our couch, there lied a shiny stethoscope dimly lit by our cabaret-like faded lights of the sala.

i grabbed it. wore it while lying down, and put it on my 5th left intercostal space. right where the left ventricle shouts the loudest. the up the the 3th intercostal space. then beside the sternum. then back, then around, then back.

and there it was.

S1 and S2.
Lub and Dub. Lub and Dub.
Tricuspid and Mitral.
Atria and Ventricle.
Systole and Diastole.

It's amazing how a pack of cardiac muscles just as big as one's fist could be so responsible for the the body's supply of oxygenated blood.

Amazing how it never started beating weeks before we saw light on this earth.

Amazing how it keeps on beating until now. from the vena cava to the pulmonary artery, vein, then aorta.

Amazing how each beat is so efficient. so coordinated. so wonderfully designed.


the sounds were so peaceful. and serene.
i felt like in the womb again.
hearing nothing but a heatbeat.
i didnt notice that i was closing my eyes.
and sinking into a silent pool of cardiac sounds.
of ventricular music.
of atrial melody.
of the rhythm of the pacemaker cells
and slight echo of the pericardium.

lub.
dub.
lub.
dub.


...and then, i was asleep.

falling from a high place

July 22 is a great day for me.

8.am              I didnt fail the micro exam (refer to last blogpost),
10.00 am       Had lunch at Mang Toots,
12.30 am       had a little fun with my new subsecmates (C5)(Papa Bear Pangan?! haha)
2.00 pm         konting pictorial sa daga then sa subsec
6.00 pm         the ireg parteh,
8.00 pm         lacson unleashed his Thomasian Spirit, Kiko's Heart talk,
9.00 pm         drove to PhilCoa for Janna's mini birthday party
12.00am        with my Highschool friends

and then... by 2.00am, when i was about to go home...

the car wont start.

i tried again.

the alarm sounded.

i panicked. "oh shit. baka magising ang mga kapitbahay ni Kokok at pagkalaman akong magnanakaw ng sarili kong koche!"

nagpanick talaga ako. tarantang itik. at nagfflash forward nako sa mga echo ng boses nila daddy at mommy na nagagalit. "tinakas mo nanaman ang koche?! hindi ka na nag-aaral! puro ka nalang pasarap... ablablablabla"

the alarm stopped. at sinusian ko uli.. and

shit. nag-alarm ulit. i realized i was just using the duplicate set of keys, so hinatid ako ni JC Alberto sa bahay para kunin yung isa pang set ng susi. yung original na.

good thing my brother, Shan, was still awake, so she got the key's from my mom's bag and went back with me at Kokok's, hoping that the original key would tame the alarm down.

but it didnt.

it fucking didnt. panic na talaga. so i had no choice but to call my mom. (last resort na talaga si Daddy kasi baka may inooperahan, or natutulog.) And my mum went so mad. as expected.

naghanap kami ng mekanino nearby, and thank God and the god of Mitsubishi may bukas pang talyer dun. kinalas nila ang beterya, kinabit ulit. tanggal na ang alarm. then they said, "Boss, kakadjutin natin to" (translation for the konyo people: "Hey handsome, we will make tulak-tulak your car ha?")

first try. second try. umandar. and it died again. im such a loser. or the car is the loser.

si manong nalang ang kumadjot ng koche, and the car suddenly went back to life, at least for the next 30 minutes.

Shan and I did the scariest UST to Frisco trip of our lives. I kept on kicking and kicking the gas, and kung stop sa stoplight, i still kept on kicking gas while on neutral. we were so damn scared. not because it was late at night. not because a truck might crush the car. but because the car may die again, and it will only be Shan who will be pushing the car. hindi ko kapatid si Superman.

After a 30 minute drive at second gear... we arrived the gates of 35 Osmena St, SFDM QC, in one piece. inscathed. and still scared.

and then. just when the car was parked on his happy place sa garage...

and the engine spontaneously died.

the car wont start again... walang magagamit na koche si Mama. i didnt know what to do. and ayun na nga. napagalitan. napagalitan. napagalitan. nadamay ang Physio. nadamay ang schedule ko. nadamay ang mga party na pinuntahan ko last year. nadamay ang kuyente. and gasolina. pati si manang nadamay, ibang kwento na yun. and Dad is mad too, gising na siya, tumawag from Olongapo. Buti nalang hindi na inabot ang telepono sakin kundi na-double dead ako ngayon.

and now.... just before i sleep, i though: i was so damn happy the whole day. and it ended the way it doesnt deserve to end...



when i fall, i want to fall from a high place.




and i just did. and i'm sleepy. i hope magstart naman yung koche para kay mommy bukas. konting himala, Lord. himala. magtira naman sana kahit konting swerte ko nung tuesday.

A sign?

Hindi ako nabigyan ni Ma'am Monet ng Handouts today.
Pero sabi ko, ok lang, kasi meron naman ako nung dati. So aral lang.

Nung micro na ang aaralin ko...

narealize kong nawawala ang Jawetz ko. Shit. Sana pakalat-kalat lang siya sa bahay.Sana.
tapos, naghanap nalang ako ng compressed lecture notes sa Drive D.

at narealize ko, andun pala siya kasama ng namatay kong hard disk. double shit.

so, nagdownload ako ng notes sa 4shared ng bmd yahoogroups.

tapos... nung ipprint ko na... walang black ink ang printer. triple shit.

pero gumawa pa rin ako ng paraan, ginawa kong red, green, blue, orange, at purple ang text ng handouts. sa awa ng diyos, nagprint naman.

pero... nung babasahin ko na... nawawala naman ang mga higlighters ko. lalo na yung yellow na faber castell. favorite kong higlighter yun. quadruple shit!

pero, sige lang. ok lang na walang highlighter. so, nung nagbabasa na ako dito sa kwarto ni mommy para aircon, (kanina lang yun, 1:00AM), sabi ni Mommy, "Karl, patayin mo na nga ang ilaw. magtipid na tayo ng kuryente!" quintuple shit!


Lord, ayaw niyo ba akong mag-aral?

matutulog na lang ako!

tangnang bakla ka

<edited na, sorry Prince! hehe>

langyang bakla ka.

i know you're reading this because you always read my blogs.

i hate gays like you.You dicksucking asshole.

Asshole.

---
ayan na vent-out ko na. ok nako :) haha

Funny Multiply Relationships

i checked my contacts a while ago at nakakatawa ang mga nakita ko:

Ma'am Gardette Valmonte is my Aunt
I have 3 brothers in multiply, only one of them is true.
Bobby Ang is my brother-in-law
While Abi Tabares is just my classmate.
Ampi Amaro and Grace Ramos are my daughters
Barns Crisostomo is my Employee (huh?)
Mary June Conti is my Ex-Wife. hahaha. di pa siya nakaget-over. :P
Donald Afan if my Father
my fraternity brothers are from SJ and Days with the Lord. Opposites diba?
Ayra, Popeng, Ina Mangalindan, Laleine, Bebe, Pae, Pia, and Alay are my sisters. only one of them is true. And one of them, kamukha ko lang nung HS. si Laleine.
I have 2 Sisters-in-law yung isa, GF ni Shen, yung isa Ex ni Shan.
Gregory Co and Geli Calupitan is my Step Son and Step Daughter
Ferdinand Lasay is my Uncle
Richard Doria is my Neighbor. (how did that happen?)
Janelle Sia is my Grandaughter
Lester Ibarra is my Manager
Ma'am Donna Dela Cruz is my Mother

like what they said, Multiply is NOT focusing on the widest networks, but the most INTIMATE. wahaha.

Dad's Patient

a txt message from one of my Dad's patients, received today:

"I have just crossed over to the other world. Please pray for my peaceful journey to our Creator. Thank You Very Much, until we meet again. This is ____ Signing Off."

a few minutes later, she coded, the nurse called my dad,
and told him that she just passed away.

SJ

kwento to sakin. nangyari matagal na.

there was a Scintilla Juris event sa may Shakey's. Syempre inuman at kainan and stuff. Then may tatlong guys na lumapit, nakita kasi sa table, "reserved for SJ."

"SJ kayo?"

Sila: "Oo SJ kami, bakit?"

"SJ din kami eh."

Edi nagpakilala, at di binanggit ang school, nagwowork na at professionals na... Di na nila kinonfim kasi mukha naman silang matino at wala pang text nung time na yun, so, thinking na theyre from ibang chapters, at medyo may tama na sila, they didnt bother na magtanong masyado.

tapos nung palalim na ang gabi, sabi ng isang SJ, "All for Scintilla Juris!" -- syempre lahat sumigaw ng "FIIIGHT!" ... nagbulungan yung 3 strangers...

minutes after nun, yung 3 baguhan na guys, magpapaalam nang umalis... sabi nila ibang SJ pala ang member sila, at yung ang...


(drumroll)...







Society of Jesus!

oh cmon! hahahah!


jvstvs avt pravvs, certamvs!

RIP: Hardisk

My hardisk died on me today. And it hurts. No matter how i tried to recover it, i can't open it to back it up for the last time. The computer doesnt want me to see it for the last time just to say goodbye... the memories it contain, and the Movies i eternally downloaded... I just can't make him come back to life.

His name is Barracuda 7200.7 Seagate, Made in China.
It's only 40  Gigs. But it contain 40 Gigs of hardcore porn. kidding. but maybe 2 Gigs of porn and the rest are -- omg -- seasons that i downloaded the whole summer:

Grey's Anatomy Season 3-4
Kid Nation Season 1
One Tree Hill Season 5
Survivor China
Survivor Micronesia
Lost Season 4
The Secret
Windows XP Professional Edition
House Season 3
Scrubs Season 1-3 (waaa ang sakiiiit!)
Bangbus Series
Matchbox 20 Concert
Backstreet Boys Homecoming Concert, Live in Orlando <wag niyo akong husgahan! haha>

nalimutan ko na yung iba... demn. demn. demn. buti nalang hindi ko sinama dun sa hardisk na yun yung mga pictures at mga mp3. kung hindi, gugulpihin ako ng mga kapatid ko. mas malakas pa naman manuntok mga kapatid kong lalaki kesa sakin.

Shit. My hardisk died on me today. But I realized i have a spare hardisk on my cabinet, and i have no idea why i didnt use it before. The spare one has 80 Gigs. It's better and it offers a lot more space. It's slimmer. It's cleaner. And i wondered why it just stayed on my cabinet for a whole year...

Nothing can replace the ones i put on my Late hardisk. But, like what my life teaches me over and over again, stop wallowing in sadness and self pity and just keep moving forward. Keep moving fucking forward. I'll replace the old TV series-es with much better memories, better season finales, better quality, and ill give them better care. no more porn. im fed up of porn. just more Medical ebooks thanks to Ahmed.

I have to give credit to that old 40G hardisk, as far as i can remember, it's already 5 years old. It did what it had to do, and it's just time for him to retire. Too bad i didnt geve time to back-up all the files it contain. Owel.

"Failed to recognize Drive D"
-Final words ng Hardisk ko.


====
haha. funny how i can make a so serious eulogy for a hardisk. hahaha. ganyan nako kabored. :D hehehe

on units and hours and load and acads

my sched is boring. 19 hours of school a week? the lighest load i had in ust since summer of third year bio. well, summer is summer, 2 units. haha. pero, on a regular sem? only 17 hours a week? this is the lowest academic load i ever had, pretty boring for a med student. nakakatamad lalong mag-aral... they say you'll have more time to study? yes, maybe. pero mas lalo ka lang tatamarin kasi alam mong there's more time to study.

after school, most of my friends leave to study for their tomorrow's subjects. swerte nang makatambay pa ng onti sa Navarro, at masaya na akong uuwi kung mag The Pit muna kami nun.

after Para, Epid, and Ethics, i always find myself asking "what now?" and, i just wait for something to happen. Like someone's going to text na samahan ko to go somewhere... i feel like i should be doing something really really worthwhile, i need something to occupy this space. sure, i'd loove to stuff it with Medically related craps, but, gusto ko rin ng something outside med. hmm.>

i just realized... during bio, we have an average of 30+ Units per sem, in med, we have around 35-37 units per year. so, 70+ units/year nung pre-med VS 30+ units per year nung med? nakakatawa lang isipin, mas madaming units and premed, mas mahal tuition ng med (geez. those miscellaneous fees)

eto pa, pharma is 5 units (correct me if im wrong). cmon. sabi nga last year ni Dr Peter Ng, it is the "hardest Subject of all", pero ang Anatomy 10 units? ang Peesho, 8 Units? hahaha. A higher year friend even told me, triple your study powers when it comes to Pharma. Actually, there's even one friend who told me: Second year IS Pharma. tapos 5 units sya? kamusta naman yun.

i miss substantial blogging. i miss schizophrenic blogging. i don't know why, but my magical typing hands isnt working lately. maybe because im too bored, and too 'hectic' thinking about what to be busy about?

well, i dont know.

god has a plan, i guess. im just too lazy to pick it up. 0_o

maybe

  maybe i could have loved her better

       maybe she should have loved me more

             maybe our hearts were just next in line
            
                   maybe everything breaks sometimes

                      we never know what could have been

                         maybe someday she'll regret it
      
                             maybe someday she'll think it was the best decision she ever made

                               but maybe someday, she'll see me smiling and happy

                                  along with someone who has my heart

                                     cause someday, someone's going to thank her for letting me go.




cheers to moving on.

paranoia

what if she lied that she lied?
and that it really is true?


goodnight karl.