song playlist.. and random thoughts, and random flashbacks

if i am to delete all songs that depict love and bitterness on my mp3 playlist, i just realized that i'll just be deleting almost every song in the folder. might as well just press, "ctrl+a" and "del."

i mean, all that will just be left are the DWTL songs and Soulja Boy (na di ko naman maintindihan ang lyrics.)

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what would happen if the world existed without rules in relationships? no cheaters. no liars. no obscenity. no courtship. seriously, if the world was built as anything-goes, screw-anyone, love-anyone, kiss-anyone,. would it be a better world? lesser heartaches i guess. better world? i dont know.

what would happen if the world existed without rules in relationships? i guess there would be no relationships at all.

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if you ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up. and it will instantly come true tomorrow. there would be a surplus of doctors, lawyers, and basketball players.

but if you asked me during the third grade what i wanted to be? i wanted to be a farmer.
during the second grade, i wanted to be a carpenter.
4th grade, a computer engineer.

then, dad exposed me to the world of circumcision. operation tule. i was looking at bloody penises for days. and for free. and the patients get free antibiotics.

still, i wanted to be a computer engineer.

then great things started to happen. (maybe ill elaborate it on my next blogs). then i realized, damn it, this is what i want to to with my life. not just circumcize penises... i want to change lives.  in the best way i can.

grade 6. my dad asked me what i wanted to be. i said "doctor"
he asked why.
i said, a lot of people looked at him with such respect and love and coolness, and i realized, what if you're gone? who will be the next coolest guy in town? i wanted it to be me.

(it's not the exact transcript, of course, but you get the picture)

my dad always wanted to have a doctor na anak. my mum always wanted to have a flight attendant.

but mom, im not happy with serving coffee, tea, or water and crackers on a plane.
and dad, youre just so cool. so, cmon. to medschool.

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before i graduated hs. our teacher, ms dael (now mrs grandea), had us write an essay about our future. i wrote the best damn essay i can write. the best way i can leave hs.

her reaction? "edejer, magaling ka pala magsulat." at feeling ko sa loob loob niya, ("akala ko gago ka lang")

but from then on, every time i visited LSQC, she always follows up on what ive written. together with everyone else actually.

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moving on is hard.
especially if you're the only one moving on.
especially if you don't want to move on.
especially if you have no choice but to move on.

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my sister just graduated hs. next year, all 4 of us are in college, and ako na supposed to be kumikita na sana ay nagpapakabihasa pa rin at nagpapatustos sa mundo ng medisina. ang bilis ng panahon. dati nene pa si pae. ngayun, awww. i love her.

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this week and the next, i am going to ask the help of all the Gods, heavens, friends,  guardian angels, humans, animals, cadavers, jesus christ, frank netter, mama mary, angel michael, heath ledger, pope john paul, anna nicole smith, gregor mendell, barack obama "yes we can" (ay buhay pa pala siya) and of course, Mama Ying, and Uncle Lindo, and Lolo Centing, and Papa Ben, and Tatay Pitong and Stephen Go pa pala, to send me all the spirits and all the luck in the universe, and the world in between, for me to pass the Remedial exams.


funny how a 2-hour exam. or one mistake., in shading maybe. can mean one year of medical torture. but i believe i will pass them. just like lucas believes in the comet, just like the faith as big as the mustard seed. i will pass all of them. every single fucking one of them.

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faith. it's the only one i hold to. held on to. and will be holding on.

like what mam joyce said, ill fight a good fight, finish the race. and keep the faith.

keep. the. faith.

+bstaikawlord