X and Y

Karl and Karl (Part 5 or 6? of the Schizo Series)

 

 

They were at the cemetery. Looking at one grave: their own.

 

Two men are standing beside each other, staring down at the name. Him, and Him, looking at the grave, under a stone. Both of the same age and soul... It was cloudy and gloomy. The time when this happened was undefined, and didn’t matter. All they know is that they’re in a place, where the book will be finally closed. Where everything will be buried altogether.

 

The 2 men looked the same. Same posture, same hair, same voice, both had the same career, both successful, and the same set of friends, same school, same hospital where they worked – they only differed in one thing:

 

The first one believed in Love. And the other, did not.

 

For convenience, let’s call the believer, X. And the non believer, Y.

 

For a long time, they were just staring at the stone. And finally, X, asked, “Who do you think is buried there? A believer or a non believer? You or me?

 

Y said, “It depends on who he chose to be”

 

X replied, “I hope it’s me. A believer”

 

Y “what makes you damn think he will? We are well aware of his haywired emotions, right? What makes you think that after it all, he will still choose to believe?”

 

X raised his voice, “Why do you find it so hard to believe?”

 

Y asked back, “Why do you find it so easy?”

 

X “What makes you think it is you on that grave? To live like you is miserable”

 

Y  “Living like me is easy. You live without expectations. Women come and go as they please. I throw parties whenever I want. Get laid all I want. And the next day, I start with a clean now slate. No commitments. No crying baby to wake me up.”

 

X smiled, and pleads his case, “I never said living like me is easy. I live with a lot of expectations from my wife, my family. Women tempt me, but I have to turn down even if she’s a porn star. I throw parties, but my families have to be in it, and it has to end by 12. I get laid, maybe, but with only one woman. The next day, I continue everything. There is no reset button. For a crying baby will soon wake me up.”

 

Y shook his head with an arrogant smile and said simply, “you’re a fucking, boring Man”

 

X smiled back and said, “you’re a boring, fucking man…

 

…but you know what? I believed in the greatest thing God wanted me to do, I loved. I tried to find it so many times, and many times have I failed, and got hurt. There were times when I thought my decision to believe was wrong, but, in retrospect, when I saw the bigger picture, I know, it was worth it. I have someone worth living for. And smiling for. And dying for. And I’m happy. How about you? Are you happy?”

 

Y, unfazed, said with conviction, “I am happy. Because the heart isn’t everything. Look at people’s decisions when love is involved? They’re screw up. They lose objectivity. They throw away security. Remove logic. They give in to the high that is all just hormones. In my world, everything is black and white. I do calculated risks. I roll the dice with confidence. I am Happy.”

 

Y looked at X, as he is about to slap big words on him… “And the best thing about not believing?”

“What?” X looked back at him

 

“…I am pure from bitter phases and spared from the pain of a heart break…

 

…I never got hurt.”

 

 

 

The two stopped talking. Part of X thought about the pains he had, and questioned if it really is worth believing. Likewise, part of Y thought about what could it be to feel loved… to feel appreciated and treated more than just a One Night Stand. The thing with choices and decisions, is that, after we’ve chosen, there comes a time where we’ll wonder what else will happen if we chose the other one.

 

 

And it started to rain. But they still stood there, looking at the stone where there was just nothing but a name. It didn’t say if he believed or did not.

 

No case was settled on that day. After all, if one person has proven that he is the better one, it is still up to the one on the grave if he will choose to be what he will be. And as the two men walk away, their journeys end.

 

 

It is still up to him.

 

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There are times we make choices, we juggle X from Y

I am not in the position to dictate to anyone what to choose.

All I hope for, is that, if people finally choose,they’ll be happy, and stand firm on that decision.