Insignia

When we ask for a sign to God, we often wish for a burning bush or a face of God in the clouds or a chariot of flames crossing the street – we often wish for something grand... something undeniable that it overwhelms us that we cannot deny that it is indeed the sign. Something heaven delivered just for you. Something god-sent.

And while we look for that moment, we sometimes neglect tiny details in our lives that when collectively taken, they could be the one you are looking for. Whether it’s from a lyrics in a song you’re listening to in your ipod, or from a script in a movie now being played. Sometimes we don’t even need words. It could be from a smile of your baby brother, or a warm, warm hug from a loved one, telling you over and over (and over) that you are forever loved and everything will be fine.

Last Friday, I posted in my account a prayer. I asked for a sign. And I had the whole facebook community hear about it. 5 minutes later, I heard good news through a friend. It kind of like addressed one of my worries. Of course, for my friend, the words doesn’t sound like anything from Heaven, yet for me, at that moment – it is definitely God-sent. “Aba, Lord, ambilis ah?”

The day after, someone said to me, “Don’t think too much about it. You’re being useless ” – again, of course, the words doesn’t sound like anything from Heaven, yet for me, at that moment – it is definitely God-sent. I thought about it hard, and realized one thing: God will not forsake me. He has a plan for me. God Loves me. And whatever I am thinking, and over thinking - worries, fears, pressure -is just making me more useless, and old, and ugly (oh God, could I be more uglier?) – so I have to think otherwise. I have to think on Faith, and Hope, and Joy, and Peace. So, while travelling to zambales, with my laptop in my lap, pausing what I was watching, I closed my eyes, and said a prayer that is a little harder and deeper than my usual prayers. I realized that I didn’t need to look for a sign. I didn’t need to look for it because it is within me. And it has always been within me.

So I thanked God for that, then I opened my eyes to resume watching, “LOST” – and of all scenes of all seasons of Lost, the next scene came out as if it was written by God just for me (and of course, I’ll edit it a little bit to become blogworthy):

“This is the Light, 
the warmest and brightest you’ve ever seen or felt, 
and this light is present in every man. 
Some people will try put out your light. 
Do not let them. 
Because if this light goes out, 
it goes out everywhere”

I was in awe of what I’ve just seen. Just as I accepted a while ago that it’s ok not to have a grand sign, and that it is within me - there goes this message through a line in LOST. Again, for someone else, the words doesn’t sound like anything from Heaven, yet for me, at that moment – it is definitely Godsent. So smiled big, and thanked God again. But it didn’t end there.
After watching that episode of Lost, i played my ipod. And of all songs. And of all lyrics, I just pressed play – and this came out:

Gising na, kaibigan
Bangon na, harapin mo ang Silangan na
di mo ba naaaninag, sa dulong abot tanaw?
Gunita’y sumisigaw?
Ikaw ang anak ng araw.

And Amazingly, the next song too:

I think i’ll follow the voice that calls within,
dance through the silent song it sings.
I hope to find my place,
so my life will fall in place
I know in time ill find my place
in the Greater Scheme of things.

Another whammy. I was just wowed. And my smile became wider than the one ago. Again, for someone else, the lyrics doesn’t sound like anything from Heaven, yet for me, at that moment – it is definitely God-sent. I said, “OK God, I get it” (i said it silently of course, haha)

And JUST AS I AM ABOUT TO FINISH THIS BLOG – oh God oh God – as if God conspired the whole universe for this to happen – at this moment – the sun is setting. Hindi ko sinadya na umupo sa side ng table na kaharap ang dagat, di ko talaga planong manood ng sunset (wala nga, nawala nga sa isip ko na sunset na pala eh.) But... WOW. As in WOW. It’s like the light that they talk about it LOST – na kakasulat ko lang kanina, and then, parang ito na yun – LIVE. Naiiyak ako pero magmumukha akong tanga pag umiiyak ako habang asa harap ng dagat at nagttype kaya pinigilan ko nalang :D It is one of the most perfect sunsets i’ve ever seen. If there is such a word more perfect than ‘perfect’ – it would be this perfection. No clouds, or land, or trees to block it away. Just the clear and classic sun-kissing-the-sea

For the record, I’ve been wanting to watch this ‘complete sunset’ the whole summer but there were clouds/other stuff that block it. Anyone who reads my blog knows how important the sunset is to me. And today, God gave me a perfect one, in the perfect moment, in the perfect setting, in the perfect time.

The warm breeze. The comforting sand on my feet. The clapping of the waves. And The sun – oh God, the sun – the Light - the warmest and brightest I’ve ever felt.
Maybe this is what they call, “In God’s time.”

And then, in that perfect moment, I cried. 
And wiped the tears right after so no one else would see. :p

God is sooo damn Good.

+BIL