the shape of things to come

This sem i am going to face the fact that almost all of my Bio and Med friends in UST Med will be having a totally different world next year. kamusta naman ang Pharma and others diba? and im sure my sched and theirs wouldnt match. halos di ko na masasabayan maglunch sila Jhun and Moogie and Dhanna and Harry... and if ever man makakasabay pa ako, iba na ang mapaguusapan nila: 2nd year topics syempre. im sure every reunion iba na ang mapaguusapan ng mga tao. Ibang Faci, ibang Samplex, ibang profs. theirs will always one notch higher than me. forgive me for ranting, friends. pero ganyan talaga ang mangyayari diba? and how much more next next year? youll all be wearing Vnecks while im stuck taking Pharma and the rest.

wala na tayong kaparehong subject nun.

then you'll be Clerks, then it'll be my turn wearing the V-neck. You'll be interns, then ill be the Clerk. babatukan ko kayo pag pinahirapan niyo ako. Then you'll be taking the boards, then residency. bla bla bla. and me and the other unfortunate people will be a year behind. it's sad. but i know my friends wouldnt look at me as someone low. theyre my friends. i wouldnt call them one if i know theyd to it.

i have told myself this summer, that when those moments come, i know it's gonna hurt. the fireworks of 2011, the MD by 2012... i mean, admit it. i couldve been there. i shouldve studied hard. and harder. and hardest. but no. i didnt. and i failed. dont i just love to rub that on my face? she's right. im a masochist. pain makes me feel alive.... next year, it's gonna hurt. and next next year. and next next next year. if only i could sneak in the 2011 Baccalaureatte Mass, I will. but no, it'd just hurt me at the end of the day. it's gonna be painful.

but then again. i have to suck it all up. i failed. fine. that's life. and im gonna have another advantage, i'll get to borrow your samplexes, your Silverman notes, your tips, and you're not gonna give me a hard time while i'm a clerk, right? (i hope) And, we are gonna have more connections. more doctors who will refer us more patients. coming from my friends now, and my soon to be friends later.

they say, for a man, the hardest things to accept for them, is failure. i so F**ckin agree. but im trying to set my perspective right now that in life, there are no Failures. there are no mistakes. theyre only lessons. it's just the label of the school for that lesson. that big 5.0 in the transcript. like what Jnel said, "this is a learning process." - and so, i hope i can get the best lesson i can extract from this shit.

summer is over. hello first year again. hello Karl the Physio repeater. holy jesus christ. it sounds horrible, man. but i have no choice but to say, "it's ok. everything's gonna be fine" because it will be. i know it will. God has a plan. he better have one, or else.

Julie Jane Dy once said, "In the end, we're all gonna be doctors" (and backed up by Joena.) She has no idea how much that simple reply meant to me. i needed that push. i needed that flicker of hope. that in the end, we all are gonna have the same MD on our coats.

karl the repeater. waaa :( . but soon it's gonna be karl the doctor. then karl the surgeon, then karl the orthopedic surgeon. then karl the dad. karl the millionaire. and someday, i'm gonna write about my life. yeah, karl the author. maybe i'll put this blog on that future work. and someday, i'll make these writings into a book. hoping that it would one day inspire a little karl, or little jane, or little jomar (eew), or little jhun (isnt he little enough?), or little greg-geli, or little moogie, or little raquel to be the next great doctor this world will see.

ill write about my 'failure', my Med Journey, my calling, and my quest to get the MD, and the other great titles after that. that'll be my story. that'll be my story. your story. ours.

+BIL