Hello, Old Friend

"Did you miss me?" she said

"I dunno. Well, did you?" he said

"I guess so. Its been almost 2 months. And you didnt even bother to visit me"

"Why the hell would I visit you?"

"i thought we had something." she replied, "though we went off on a bad note,"

"Well, I was starting to have feelings for you. I stayed up so many nights for you. And sacrificed quite a lot of gimmicks. a lot of times when i shouldve slept, or went out with another. but still, i chose you. and then, what did i get in return?"

"So you're blaming me now?" she asked

He was silent.

"I know, and I understand,. i know i am someone hard to conquer. A lot of people did the same sacrifice as you did for me. Some of them did even more. I may be harsh on guys like you, but im doing it for a reason. I'm sorry on what happened last april 10..."

He was avoiding her eyes and just sat beside her. "I'm sorry too. I had a lot going on that time"

"i know"

"but, yeah, it's my fault. I didnt do what i was supposed to do. I have a lot of shortcomings to you, you know. i was just too overwhelmed with your presence. you're too, great, and hard to handle. too unstable. one second where i dont look at you for a while, and then, you're too far away that i cant follow you."

"but a lot of others did."

"i am not them"

then they were silent

she was looking at her left chest pocket. the pocket where a nameplate used to hang proud and shining. and he noticed that she was looking and he shyly said, "i know. im not worthy"

"it's just a name plate" she said

"ill get another one. a gold one this time." he sighed. "so im back. what now?"

"im glad you're back"

"me too. im glad im back. well ok -- i missed you, you know that? the feeling sucks when im so anxious to meet you tomorrow for a big test, or a practicals, or a marathon lecture, or a marathon exam. i know the feeling sucks, but i missed that. i missed the drive to wake up the whole night. i missed the rush. i missed the feeling of passing, and drinking right after. i missed that. i missed you."

"i missed you too. i prepared a harder hell for you this year, but it seems like things have changed. maybe next year. and you better prepare for that. in the mean time, fix yourself first."

"be kind to my friends. i'll be needing their samplexes. and notes."

"you know me. im never kind."

"i know. haha. but youre worth it, i hope"

she just smiled. then said, "just do better this time, ok?"

"duh. of course. of course. i learned the hard way. the long way. and i dont want that freakin lesson again"

and then he went home. having that weird feeling of maybe accepting his fate, and hoping that he'll do better this time around. Last year was quite a ride for him. This time, it's a whole new set of people, new last number on the year to graduate, a new level of studying, but still that same dream, same drive, and same old love he felt when he first saw her face. he was determined to conquer her. and the bragging rights that comes right after.

it was karl and med talking

(another schizo entry)