you

*bahala na*
he was drunk

his hormones throwing up everywhere and everything seemed so invoulntary.
his head was so afloat and all the action potentials of his muscles seemed higher. less negative, that is.
his heart was beating fast. a few beats more, he'll be crossing the boundary to tachycardia. and hypertension. and if the pericardium sets loose, hypertopy of the heart.

he thought he was numb.
until her.

after drinking alcohol he thought he will be numb.
it just made it worse.

and out of his dim-lit phone, he opened her messages again.

cold.

funny how he easily forget the blood supply of the kidney, the structure of the steroids, the RAAS cycle, while the ones he wants to forget couldnt be forgotten. maybe because the Limbic System was involved. The Center of Emotion was triggered.

"so that was it, i guess."

and he was driving home. there were no stars. no moon. no dark clouds. just the dimly lit 11PM lights. and the empty road of balete drive.

and he decided to call her. dialled her number that took him quite a while to memorize. and there was a ring. two rings. three rings. fifteen rings. and nothing. no answer.

he was thinking again and asking again what have he done wrong. where. and when. and why. oh god, why. what happened that made her act that way? she said nothing. she said she's just tired. and she said it's really not her habit. old habits that came back overnight. there is something. there has to be something. there must be a reason why it instantly died.

and he called again. wrapped in coldness of the aircon, amplified by the alcohol. rehearsed the lines he was just about to say. "home na po? di pa? sige ingat ka pauwi. pauwi nako. ang saya." one ring. two. fifteen. and she answered the phone and said hello.

it's weird how one hello could change the entire course of your emotions. how her cute little voice lifts your spirit exponentially. and you suddenly forget the pain. and her warm voice just melted all her coldness away.

"hi" he said. and he forgot the next line.

"hi." she replied. as if nothing's wrong

he froze. he imagined he was just there. beside her. whispering directly on her ears. he felt her long silky hair. and her fine little dimples peeking beside her lips. her eyes twinkling, lit by the rear lights. and her vanilla scent lingering all over.

and then, it kicked in. he closed his eyes. and spoke.

"i just wanna tell you
that you're my first thought every morning.
and the last person i think of at night.
that you're the person that given me a glow i've never had before.
sometimes i couldnt help but just stare at you
and get high with the thoughts of you
and stop time in the short sweet moments i'm with you.
this may not be a big deal for you, but i just want to let this out.
it's you. in a lot of things i do, you were in them.


and i know you're not ready for this.
don't worry. i dont expect anything back.
all i need is to unload this piece"

and he hung up the phone. the scene disappeared. she and i. my mouth whispering on her ears, the feel, the sight, the scent. it was gone.
he can't do anything. time can only tell.


(the events here are fictional.
yet it doesnt mean they're not real)