to you...

 

long have i woven words for you,
more than i ever realized that i already do.

i have always been that guy wonderin what kind of girl you are,
what you do, how tall are you, how deep do you think, and all that tiny little details i can ever think of. like how long your hair is, the color of your fingernails, the size of your belt, your favorite color, where do you usually hang out and all that crap.

im always wondering if we have a lot in common
or maybe you're on the alter spectra of my personality, my complement perhaps.
wondering if you're a fan of Grey's Anatomy too, or LOST, or Desperate Housewives,
wondering if you're getting addicted to coffee lately like me,

or maybe it's just all random that our eyes just met and that maybe even though we have absolutely nothing in common, the stars conspired for those eyes to meet and never part again.

crap. i'm getting corny again.

so, who are you? and where are you?

by the time you'd be reading this, (mind you, i would'nt tell you about this entry, you probably sneaked into my blog, but i don't care... i guess you really are meant to read this) (or maybe you've read this before, you just didn't felt like it's you).. again, by the time you'd be reading this, maybe or maybe not you already realized how far i'd went for this blog. all the attempts to write this. all the words overflowering and filtered to write these words for you...

i just wanna tell you that... that it really took a lot for me to get from the February of 2006 to this moment as i type this, and to that moment when you read this.

probably a long period of pains and hopes and extinguished hopes for a love that going to knock me off my heavy feet, head over heels, anterior to posterior, dorsal to ventral,-whatever.

probably you'll never realize how hard this journey has been to me. i have believed in love  and did not. i gave up, i faked, i loved, and i lost. along the way i could say i have lost everything. but then, through that, i have also gained eveything. and the past isn't considered a mistake anymore, but a teacher that mend me and bent me, and did not break me.

to get to you, i have gotten through a lot of hard times. tears, far too many for a man to shed. i got through my fears and faced my own demons, caught my own nightmares, and written the most bitter of all my writings.

i was drenched and soaked, and wet, and burnt.
yet i still kept a pen and paper so that i'll catch the words that will strike you.
i waited and waited.
and am still waiting.
i kept myself a secret lover.
and kissed her silently with all the strength of my heart.

and the thing that gets me going, is the beleif that you will come.

in the right time.
in the right place.
in the perfect moment god has settled just for the two of us.

 

our love story is yet to be picked up.
not now,
and maybe not sooner.

right now i don't understand why the curtain is still closed... but in god's time, after everything, i'm going to thank God for sending You to Me, whenever that time is.

so whoever you are, i love you.
i don't know you are yet, but i already know that i do love you.

i have long woven these words,
these lines that'll make you cry,
these bitter pills i'm about to puke,
the song lineups i'm about to play,
this Love that i'm going to give everything that i am and will ever be,
this Heart that has been torn and rebuilt and risen and fell, yet still beats, just for you.
this Soul that craves for the one that will make me complete.

take your time,
i'll take mine too,
live you story,
and i will, too,

and someday when God decides for our souls to then intertwine,
that will be the day, i'll start to live my forever.
and that forever is when i get to you.

this is for you, whoever you are. i love you.