the war of heart and mind

A line has been drawn in the brain - and no, it's not a Sulcus, it's deeper. Along the Temporal Lobe, they chose to battle, riding along the Highway of Papez – two movements who was usually going the same way, chose not only to diverge, but to go against each other. One is Reason – where logic and facts stand in constant, where black is black and white is white. And on the other end, lying near the Hippocampus, is Emotion – where it breeds color and breathes life, where inspiration taps the best of potential.

 

The War of Heart and Mind has been waged. People all throughout history have had these epic wars inside of them. Some more than once, and some lasted a whole lifetime. Some ended up in regrets, and some set themselves free. But the hard part about this battle is that there is no algorithm to follow on what to do, and what not to do. No rules to delineate, and there is no definition of right or wrong. What makes it even harder is that, after one side wins, there will always be that what-if that slaps you back. That what if and could have beens, and might have beens, that will haunt you – or maybe not. And no two stories are the same. 

 

Emotion was throwing fireworks of colors. For a while, the brain was happy. He was happy. All it needed was a confirmation that he is loved back. Selfish, maybe, but that was his drug. That was his fuel to keep the hormone flowing.

At first, someone else was poking on his cranium. Until, someone else also did it. And someone else also did. Until opinions became suggestions, and suggestions became wake up calls, and wake up calls became bitch slaps – suddenly, reason woke up and picked up ammunition, and aimed right at the middle temporal sulcus.

 

And then they shoot. Facts. Facts. Facts. Fuck. Emotion just stared at the sky, and smiled as they braced for a landing.

 

And then emotion spoke: “Just let me be happy. Please”

 

Reason heard it. And stood for a while, and put the shooting on hold, for reason remembered something: Never had he seen himself so happy like ever before. Never had he been more proud of himself, never had he gotten to be appreciated so much. From appreciating his works, to the way his eyes sparkle, and even the way he snores. Yes, never been that happy.

 

But then, one day, Reason started to get on its feet once again. He thrown more facts and more missiles to Emotion, but they all came back to him with a note, written all over it.. “I Love Her” – it was a Trump Card. A Two of Diamonds. An Immunity Idol. An Exemption – yet reason kept on sending and resending his messages so that he could make his point. Until Reason gets tired of the war. Now I understand the schizophrenics. 

 

Emotion on the other hand, tried to remain vibrant and high and hold on to every single sane thing he could hold on to. Pride was kicked out of the equation. He kept on throwing the same thing, and is not letting reason get the best of him. His drug must remain at a steady state. Because, Emotion thought: this is my story. The story I asked for, and this is it, and I know it – there is no way in hell I will let go.

 

Emotion stood there and gave everything he can. Reason, was there too, not giving up without a fight. It was the epic war of Heart and Mind. Where the price in unknown, the rules are unsettled, and no one knows when this will all end. It drains too much CSF and Brain waves, too much necessary or unnecessary lacrimations, rants left and right, and opinions from other people.

 

After it all, the Two became tired. Botch catching their breath at an imaginary battlefield they stared point blank at each other. And said their last piece for the day before they settle

 

Reason said: You have done what you have to do, and actually even more than you are expected. Yes, I am proud of you for that. But, dude, leave some sanity for yourself. Leave some love for yourself. And even pride. Yes, you Love her, maybe I won’t contest that anymore. But, The fastest way to kill a relationship is to try too hard to fix it. Just let it be. Let God fix it, and pray for the best.

 

And Emotion said: I understand you for being that way, but I guess you cannot blame me from this spell. Maybe you’re right, I should not let this consume me, but please let me keep even just one flicker of hope. If it dies, so be it. But leave the probability of it for me, let me miss her from time to time, let me reply to her messages, let me feel what I used to feel – let me keep a dose of hope in my pocket, you can have the rest. In the mean time, I will cast my own prayers, you can cast yours. And let God do the rest. You are right, maybe I’m trying too hard.

 

....

 

The air was still thick, full of smog and cloud, but there were no ramblings anymore. No one won and I think no one will. One day, they will flow into one road again, and pick up what was lost and heal each other’s wounds, and patch up each other damages. They will rebuild each other again, and maybe Reason will say sorry, maybe Emotion will apologize. Only God can tell.

 

And as both Reason and Emotion were tired, one wave of waves came in that was even more powerful than the both of them: it was Sleep. It purifies, it pacifies, it makes you forget, or live out a subconscious fantasy – either way, it’s an escape.

 

 

...And then I will wake up. And live one day at a time, then sleep again. And the cycle will go on – and the War of Heart and Mind: I just know it will one day settle – hopefully with her (says Emotion) maybe without her (says Reason) – all I know is that one day, Everything is going to be alright.