Pre-Birthday Blues

im getting uglier by the day. (no, im not fishing)

but i'm starting not to care about it.

maybe i really am getting old.

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i don't feel like celebrating like what i did a year ago. One, because my annual karl-to-karl time capsule/letter to self which i send to myself every year, to be read on my next birthday -- well, this year, i was too caught up in all the med craps that i FORGOT to write a letter for my 22nd birthday. I started doing this since highschool, initially, it's for me to see how my style of writing changes every year, and i found out it was fun doing it so i did it till college till last year. I have no idea why i forgot to make one for this year. crap.

Two, because if i'll make libre to one set of friends, i have to treat the other set of friends, then the brods, then bio friends, then DWTL friends, then HighSchool friends, then family -- kung pag-iisahin ko man ang celebration dito sa tahanan, sasasabog ang bahay. Sasabog sa kasiyahan. pero, sasabog din dahil di talaga magkakasya. So wag nalang siguro.

Three. My sched is not hectic. But on my birthday week, it will be. Para Long Exam, Micro Prax, Due of Micro Manual, Med Week, Medisine, Meetings, DWTL Weekend, -- bull crap --  why didn't God evenly distributed these hectic days into my very lax days like this week? (Hmmm, what did I do this week nga ba?)

I really don't feel like celebrating. Of course some people will say that, "Why not? you have to thank God for the year, and more bdays to come blablablabla." Well, I thank God eveyday for my life, and I'm happy with my life. (Though i could be more happier, but what the heck.)

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Well. But. no matter what i say, 22 years ago, my Mum is wearing her maternity dress silently caressing her tummy while my Dad is in Medschool probably studying for an exam.

Maybe they're scared that they will become parents soon.
Maybe they got scared of the road they'll tread just because i'm already conceived (my Mum is almost employed as a flight attendant na sana before "I" happened)
Maybe my Dad was scared that He'll have a hard time raising me while he's still studying.
Maybe i'm not really part of their plans.
Fear couldve let them do things that may result to my nonexistence.

but no.
they didnt let me go.

maybe that's reason enough to celebrate.

(but ill just celebrate inside my heart. wahahah. baduuuy!)